The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I really want to go physically to a meeting but with work, kids schedules, a husband who doesn't think he's an alcoholic, it's just hard. I'm not sure what all to say right now. Like my name says, I'm confused about many things. I know he's an alcoholic and I am living my life knowing it's not my fault. This week he has done very good to try to prove to me he isn't. He has not had a drop of alcohol around me since Friday night. I know he drank Tuesday but it wasn't in my house and he wasn't driving. He does not sneak it or go to bars, which I am thankful for. I have just built up a huge wall and even if he was to get help I'm not sure if I can bring it down. I'm super angry and don't even know if I want my marriage to make it through this at this time. I am waiting for the next drunk night that he packs his stuff or tells me he wants a divorce so I can tell him to hit the road. Is this really normal? I love him but I just dont' know if I want to be with him.
I just want to reply briefly that you are not alone. I have felt angry and overwhelmed, just as you do.
Others here will chime in with more wisdom, but I would say just start with whatever tools you can until you are able to get to F2F meetings. Learning the facts about alcoholism has been helpful to me. There are some good books out there. If you can even get to one meeting, you could pick up some free pamphlets.
Just know that hope is possible, and there are people who can show you the way.
Confused .. Big hugs .. If you can't make the face to face at the moment there are online meetings here. For me realizing I wasn't alone was huge. I did not stay with my XAH I have no regrets I got there when I got there and there are people who stay and are happy. So you don't have to make any decisions today. You can make them when you are ready. Hugs.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Confused,
I applaud you for seeking out the company of others who understand your dilemmas in dealing with effects of alcohol in our lives. I too understand the partner who does not believe there is a problem or professes that I am the one with the problem not him. The good news is that I realize I do have a problem and that problem is my sickness in how I deal with someone else's drinking. We here on this board have lived with the effects of a cunning, baffling disease that most of the time makes no sense and leaves us "confused". The gift of serenity is found when we work the steps of the Al-Anon program and share of ourselves with others in our group whether that be here on the boards or a face to face meeting or both. I find that my face to face meetings are my touchstones of reality that keep me on the path to serenity by reminding me that I am not alone and I am not to blame. I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it.
Keep coming back to the boards and if you can make a meeting, please do so. It has changed my life for the better in so many ways. Good luck my friend!!
Beth
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
Welcome to MIP - so glad you found your truth to post and glad you found us here.
You are not alone, as suggested above me. We do understand, and while our stories may not be perfectly similar, the feelings within us align more than I thought possible when I arrived. So, you are in the right place with an awesome group of people who do understand how you feel and where you are at.
The meetings here are wonderful. Attendance is usually good and 'speaking' (typing into the chat room) is optional. The schedule is above to the left and also is the link that will get you to the room.
The Al-Anon program provides us with the tools and support to live life one day at a time, on life's terms. I am still married to my A and he is still active. It's slowed a bit because he's got Cardiac/Heart disease but even when the alcohol isn't present, the isms are...
So, I attend F2F meetings, online meetings, work the steps with a sponsor, rely on the slogans and have learned how to live my life with grace and dignity no matter what he's doing. Is it a different life than planned? Yep. Is it sad, lonely and frustrating at times? Yep. But, am I happy and joyous and free to be me? Yep - and this is why I keep coming back to this program, these people and these tools/blue print for a better life.
We welcome you with open arms - keep coming back and know we are only a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I think it is normal. Alcoholism killed the relationship I was in with my former alcoholic partner. I pretty much just waited for the next blow up, then walked out for good. The alcoholic drama and fights were what I was so done with. That is why I just waited for that to happen and then left.
Hi Confused2015 and welcome to MIP, you are not alone as you must have read from the above posts ... this board has so many caring and experienced people on it so you came to the right place to share. Alcoholism is such a chronic disease, and what Al-Anon helps us understand is that we did not cause it, we cannot cure it and we cannot change or make the 'A' in our lives stop drinking. So Al-anon and the 12 steps, which you can start working right here on this board, is how we learn to take back our lives and it also teaches us that we have become just as sick as the alcoholic! Please continue to come back and talk with us. {{HUGS}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
