The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's daily in the ODAT discusses how our attitude towards another can affect the entire family.
If we have the habit of tearing down another, showing our contempt for their actions or indignation when obligations are neglected, we contribute, create or add to the chaos of the disease. We are responsible for the consequences of these attitudes and the resulting actions/reaction caused.
The reading goes on to suggest that a little compassion and understanding will help us see and understand that our behavior contributes to the destruction of the ego of the drinker. The sick person's ego is already painfully battered by guilt and fear in most cases, and our attitudes just add to that.
The reminder suggests we need to remember that our A, faults and all is still also a child of God. Our A is entitled to our respect and consideration. We are asked to guard against assuming the role of judge and punisher as the destruction we dish out to another person also damages us.
"It is easy, terribly easy, to shake a man's faith to himself. To take advantage of that to break a man's spirit, is devil's work." - Quote for the day from G.B. Shaw: Candida
I will admit that prior to program, I tended to focus more on what was wrong vs. what was right - in my As, in my home, in my family, etc. I truly believed in my warped way of thinking that if they would behave/improve, all would be well. I did not realize how damaging my outlook, attitudes and reactions were to the family unit until I began looking at me and my ways of coping, dealing or rather not doing so well.
When I began to change through this program, so did things around me. I can't say that there has been much change in those I love with this disease, but the health of our home has improved as the battles have stopped. I am so grateful to know that changing my attitude and outlook can make so many things so much better in so many ways!
Keeping the focus on me, one day at a time, this journey is like no other. Forgiveness, kindness, compassion and understanding are tools that I use often now, and they weren't even close to my shelf before.
Have a great day all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you IAM for such a lovely post this morning. I can honestly say that once I removed the resentment and anger from my outlook, it was so much easier to focus on myself and therefore cope better with the insanity of not only my AH but with everything in my life that was stressful. Without that understanding of forgiveness, kindness, compassion and understanding I would never been able to truly detach with love and empathy, which was key to stabilizing our household. Thank you again IAM and thank you MIP and Al-anon.
-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 12:03:59 PM
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thank you. This was a great read for me this morning, having butted up this kind of situation last night.
I have been in a relationship for the past 9 months with a man who is 9 years sober, who works his program every day. My husband was an alcoholic who took his life 5 years ago. It is only venturing back into another relationship that I am realizing my triggers are still there and that I have lots of work to do. A lifelong process for sure.
Glad I "found" these pages again. It's been awhile since I've been here.
Hey there Maine Girl - We welcome you back to MIP!
So sorry for the loss of your husband and so sorry you are seeing/feeling triggers - yes....lifelong process one day at a time! Not always easy, but well worth the effort!
Keep coming back - you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
