The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Not real sure where I am going with this, but I'll start by saying first that I miss just hanging out here and posting and replying to the post of others. This time of year gets very busy and somewhat crazy for me business wise, but I am grateful to have the business.
My A son and I were working together for a good while, but it became a issue of his not being dependable, responsible or mature enough to keep working with him. He is 35 years old, with a 14 yr old trapped in his body. The stress it was causing me, with or with alcohol being a issue was more than I want in my life today. So, we parted ways when it comes to working together. And well, while we are still communicating and cordial with each other, it has been reduced quite a bit this past few weeks.
He is doing today, exactly what he was doing when he got busted on a B&E and sent to prison... drinking and smoking pot. Like he is a care free college student, when in reality he is a 35 yr old with 4 children that have not seen him in over 2 years. Obviously, he isn't done yet. He might be in the getting ready stage, but not yet. Who knows what it will take or when it will happen? I sure don't. All I can do is love him in spite of himself and let him go about his life journey without beating up his integrity as a human being. I am pretty sure he does a great job of that himself.
I have been single now for about 8 months, and while I am getting use to it, I wouldn't go as far as saying I like it. But one thing for sure, it has kept drama out of the way for that length of time. And that part of it I like a lot. I'm just too damn old for all that kind of crap. I have worked hard in my recovery and I want and deserve peace, and serenity in my life. Of course, love and intimacy wouldn't hurt my feelings but I trust God will intro me to the person He has prepared for me, and I need to not interfere with that, cuz I pick some pretty wacked out, psycho woman. Well, okay, I'll tune it down some.... very sick, needy, co-dependent woman that are consumers in a relationship, not contributors. Was that softened up enough? LOL
In any event, all things considered I am doing fairly well, and holding my own pretty good, and just wanted to reach out and say..."I love, value, and appreciate everyone here at MIP".... you are touching and saving lives, trust me I know as the founder when someone has been reached. The letters of appreciation and true thankfulness have brought tears to my eyes more than a time or two.
I put down cigarettes after 40 years, of being a heavy smoker on 11/17/2014. I am blessed, the desire, the thought, even the slightest of urges has been taken away from me. I rarely even think about smoking at all the past 6-7 months. I didn't use nic gum, e-cigs, patches or any of that kind of stuff. Just put them down on my quite date and haven't looked back.
May you find the peace and joy that your heart desires and deserves as you take this wonderful journey with us, one day at a time.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Hey there John - howdy ho!! Thanks first and foremost for MIP - what would we all do without it and without each other?
I can so relate to the adult son story. I am blessed with 2 of them. One had continuous sobriety for 4.5 years and then decided that he would just drink. That lasted for a while and now he's back, new again in the program and well....just not very darn pleasant to be around. His forage into this disease is going on almost 10 years.
My second born is also blessed/cursed with this disease. He's going on 8 years and has never been able to be sober longer than 60 days. He's currently doing MaryJane maintenance and the bar scene - newly 21 - his journey and his right.
As they both tend to see me as a bank, taxi-driver, day-care provider, etc. I have established some very black/white boundaries with them. They are both reasonably negative and that continued even in recovery - which tells me that they effort = their results. They are young still and my hope is that by working my program now, they will live long enough to find true peace and joy in their lives. So far, my heart breaks but my peace is mostly intake by doing what is taught to me by this program.
I'm still married - he too is an active A. We met in recovery 30 years ago. I stayed sober; he did not. That's a novel all by itself... We are more like roommates than a couple, but have found a way to coexist that works for now. He's got heart disease and I'm true to my commitment and vows - for now.
So sorry that you are, like me and many, feeling as the giver always. I am good with it until a point and then when my peace/serenity is interrupted, I begin to feel used. I typically write about it (journal), talk about it (sponsor) and pray about it (HP). Most of the time, I am back to setting up or revising boundaries for self-protection and peace-protection.
For this moment, on this day, I am serene and content. I am grateful for my health, my sobriety and my peace. My hope is you too get back there soon. It sucks when we are left of center...
Great to SEE ya! Thanks for your honest share and (((Hugs))) for continued progress!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
John...Thanks for popping in and saying hello and bringing us the "what's up". We have similarities in life with the exception that I'm still doubled while my wife is 2600 miles north by northwest from me. I miss her and she misses me however I know that I'm not as cute as the grandkids or her adult children. My eldest son the relapse is still trying to get it right...nuf said. You know and Iamhere and all of the other doubles on this board know including myself know what that insanity is about. I didn't drink today and have 36+ years of experience to use for the next hour and day. Bless your boy and I'd like to be present on the day at the place when he bumps into a Higher Power. Hope it will be like mine or better. He sound oppositional defiant like myself. Stay out of the heat brother. ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 17th of August 2015 07:56:48 PM
