The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for all this 15th speaks about the difficulties of living with the disease of alcoholism. It points out that because of the uncertainty caused by the disease, many of us are hard pressed to be able to determine the difference between a minor inconvenience and a major crisis. That is why the slogan; "How important is it?" Should be considered in every situation.
The reading goes on to suggest that when we are disappointed in someone's actions, when an unexpected bill arrives we are caught in traffic, we should stop and ask ourselves "how important is"?
Learning to keep the focus on the day and in the moment and letting go of worrying about future consequences, we can choose to not dramatize situations but to face life with courage, serenity and wisdom.
The reminder goes on to suggest that if we encounter an unsettling situation today, we can choose to not react, ask ourselves, "how important is it?" And possibly find it is not important enough to lose our serenity.
The quote is from John Kenneth Galbraith; "it is almost as important to know what is not serious as to know what it's"
I must confess that when I first entered program, this is one of the slogans that I did not dar to use . After living with the disease, I had developed many negative tools to deal with the insanity f my life.I learned to to minimize every and deny reality so that by the time I was in program, Nothing was important including my life. I had to decide I was important and deserved recovery so I made a concerted effort to use gratitude and assets lists daily. I am so happy that I was able to grasp onto the idea that was important and needed to recover. You are too
Thanks for today's C2C Betty. Such an easy thing to do, ask yourself, "How Important Is It", brings one right into the moment and while I ask myself that question, I am not reacting yet. "How Important Is It", gives me time to grasp and recover, before I open my mouth and when I chose the right course of action, I am able to walk away from the situation proud that I wasn't sucked into the chaos or a set a boundary that was necessary. Such a wonderful tool.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
This one is also spot on for me today. I had a situation earlier this week with my youngest A son, and it left me sad. Not truly mad as I know the disease is in full affect, but sad...Even with my boundaries in place and my tools, it left me shaken and disturbed. I am still processing it, but I can see I need to do more work. I am able to use the tool of 'how important is it' well, but tend to allow more than I should when it comes to my kids!
What I also am seeing is that the healthier I get, the less tolerant I am of intolerable behavior. I despise name calling and bullying, and this is what is was - all about the mouth and words. I am praying for guidance as it is verbal abuse and while I don't want to cut contact with him, I truly abhor his words/mouth - disease or not.
So - not reacting was a good choice. Setting a boundary has been done - the challenge is he doesn't 'see' these incidents as a boundary breaker - he justifies it as 'freedom of speech' - *sigh*...
So, grateful for this program, the steps and tools and my F2F meeting which is in 19 minutes!!! Good thing it's about 1.5 miles from my home - eh?
Thanks for the daily Betty & the ESH! You too Debb - so glad to be walking this path with you both....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene