The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My beer guzzling alcoholic husband told me he's gaining weight. Personally I can't see it except his stomach. I think he's lost weight everywhere else. So out of curiosity I looked up cirrhosis of the liver. He has the symptoms that I didn't know about. Bruising, bleeds easy from a tiny cut or scratch. The bruises I see are the kind I've seen on older people when their skin gets thin and he's been getting those for a few years. His mom would get them too so I thought it was heredity. She wasn't an alcoholic so that wasn't her problem. His mom had basil cell skin cancer and died from lung cancer (never smoked). His dad who's also an alcoholic.....they're beer buddies, has a form of lymphoma and has had colon cancer so it concerns me my husbands risk of cancer are greater. No, he won't go to a dr. I'm wondering what else I should watch for besides jaundice?
I don't have an answer to your question but having lived with an active alcoholic, I do understand your concerns. I can only share my experience around this with you. Investigating things of this nature became an all encompassing rescue mission for me of my now exah. I literally disappeared from my own life, didn't seek medical care for myself when I needed it which was to my own detriment. I became so hyperfocused on doing for him what he refused to do for himself that I became physically sick and missed the signs of my own physical illness. Today I try my best to use the 3Cs and let go. I also pray the Serenity Prayer in these situations.
Maybe in the spirit of Alanon teachings, ask yourself if having more information will change anything for the better for you?
When I was new, my response would have been that I could pass on the new information to the active alcoholic and reason out with him why he should take action. I know today that outcome would be unlikely and hard as it to work Alanon with those that are closest to us, I still need to allow others the dignity to make their own choices and keep taking care of myself.
Today, if I were still married to an active alcoholic I might only pursue more information about deterioration due to the alcoholism in order to plan the best future I can give myself under the circumstances rather than be in denial and pretend it isn't happening. A Life Plan B could be necessary.
From experience, no matter how much I loved my active spouse, I couldn't influence him into a doctor's office any more than I could influence him to get sober. I was powerless.
I hope you'll find the guidance of your higher power of help to you as you reason out your question and your motive. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Hope you keep taking good care of yourself. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Great response tiredtonite, I could not add anything else. My AH has lost about 15
noticeable pounds. He doesn't look good and at the last family gathering, most of
my family notice and said something to me about it. There is nothing I can do,
as tiredtonite said, I am powerless and know that I cannot talk to AH about it.
One day at a time pixie. {{HUGS}} You are not alone.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Aloha Pixie...good for you getting aware and educated on the disease for me the added awareness kept the surprises away and the denial. I am also recovering from alcoholism and went after the education myself. I thought at one time that I was jaundiced because of the yellowish hue of my skin and then after an Al-Anon meeting one evening I mentioned it to another member who come to find out was a nurse who told me the symptom wasn't jaundice and something else. Surprise Surprise!! I stopped drinking in program after leaving my alcoholic/addict wife and 5 years after stopping my natural tan returned and the yellow left. Not long after I entered AA also and now work both programs. Where did the yellow color come from urine...I would drink and not urinate (alcohol can and will do that) and so my body and bladder had to store it somewhere...skin cells. I use to drink booze instead of water and am still not a water drinker except with determined force and I don't drink booze of any form either.
Keep up the good work and keep coming back to share it. (((((hugs)))))
What else should you look out for? Your own health, well being, piece of mind, serenity, support system, and spirituality. How about putting those things right at the top of your list?
Even armed with all the information in the world, I wasn't able to convince my A(s) to make a change or see a Dr. My AH has had 2 heart attacks and both times, drove himself to the hospital and proceeded to bring his own pain pills......they truly frown on this! He even snuck them in when he had his triple by-pass surgery! I am so grateful I was in program when they asked me to remove them from the hospital and frowned at me. I kindly said, he's been with you for a few days now - do you think I have any influence over what he does and when he does it?
They had to concur at that point. So, my experience is research it if you want, but don't have any expected outcomes as it's not within your span of control.
(((Hugs))) to you - yellowing of the skin is a symptom of liver cancer too - I know this as a friend's father took his dog to the Vet. The Vet. took one look at him, and told him he had yellowing of his skin and eyes and should see a doctor. He actually did listen and made an appointment - he had stage 4 liver cancer, and died within 3 months. No other symptoms at all were present that he noticed.
I've decided that I'll proactively take as good of care as I can and not worry. I am one who believes that when it's my time, it's my time. I've had to adopt that thinking for all of my A(s), and their time might be shortened because of this disease, but it's truly in my HP's hands...
Hang in there!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you everyone for responding. I gave up years ago to try to get my husband to see what he was doing to himself. It would just cause a fight so after years of trying I gave up. I figured if he wanted to do this to himself then let him. I've always taken care of myself with the exception of having a raging sweet tooth! I've tried to get him to talk to Drs. but he said he didn't need to...again...his choice and I was done fighting with him on that too.
I don't want to see things that aren't there when I look up symptoms of what I think may be happening to him. But other people have mentioned things to me. My daughter noticed his coloring was what she called gray. I thought he was pale and tired looking at times. He does work a lot of hours per week with a two hour drive one way so I take that into consideration. But I think he drinks his way home.
I hate the change in his personality when he's drunk. He has a poor me, everyone is picking on me attitude. Sooo pathetic! He sounds just like his dad. Reminds me of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. It's cute on Eeyore but not on grown drunk men.
I'm waiting for him to realize what he's done to himself but I'm afraid it's too late. From the things I'm reading he has done damage that can't be reversed. I don't feel bad for him and I won't take any of the blame. He and he alone has done this to himself. I'm just going to sit back and see what happens to him.
Hope everyone is having a peaceful night.
