The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The tools offered by Al-Anon give us the strength and wisdom to make healthy choices for ourselves. They come from going to meetings, reading the literature (and reading the threads here), finding a sponsor, working the steps, getting the ESH (Experience, Strength and Hope) of others, and practicing the tools as we move forward. It's not as instant as flipping a switch, but it doesn't take long to make a difference. My own experience was that I was terrified at the idea of leaving, but when I actually did it, I felt an unexpected peace and relief almost instantly. Do you have a meeting? There are online meetings here too, though a face-to-face meeting in your own locale will be invaluable. There is hope!
Welcome Shelby, as Mattie has indicated, the strength and courage to move on, can be found in the face-to-face meeting rooms of Al-Anon and by using the tools and principles of the program in our everyday lives.
It's all a process. Al-Anon recommends that you make no major changes in your life for the first six months to a year. The reason for this, is that when we first enter the rooms of the program, many of us are are confused, angry, and reacting to situations in a negative fashion. After a few months in the program, breaking the isolation caused by the disease, our self-esteem and self-worth returns, and we are able to make healthier choices for ourselves.
Please search out face-to-face meetings and keep coming back-- there is hope.
Welcome to MIP Shelby. So glad you found us and found the courage to post.
As I consider your question, I think of my own journey so far. Living with the disease of Alcoholism is difficult, painful and far from anything I would wish on my worst enemy. There was a time when I truly was consumed with sadness, grief, despair, and a desire to just leave this Earth. I literally hit rock bottom emotionally, and did not think I would continue forward.
I reached out for help, just as you did. I asked others how they got over it, through it, survived it. The members here at MIP responded with honesty, love, compassion and hope, all of which had been missing from my reality for a while. The disease reaches far beyond the substance abuser and pulls the life out of those who live with and/or love them. They know this about this disease and truly understood my position, my feelings and my despair.
I also reached out to local Al-Anon meetings as suggested. It took me a while to feel comfortable and to share and to contribute, as suggested - it's a process. However, today I am in a peaceful place. I have a program that allows me to be imperfect and OK with that. I have a fellowship that understands when I am less than happy and helps prop me up until I can regroup mentally. Finally, I have a wonderful set of tools that help me be a better person, and have compassion for those who are suffering.
I am grateful that I've been able to stop thinking about what was and what will be. I am grateful that this program tells me to concern myself with only today. It makes life so much calmer and easier to deal with.
(((Hugs))) to you - so sorry for your current pain and sadness. Keep coming back!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Aloha Shelby and welcome to the board...I read your bio and your share and ask myself the question "what is it about this person that makes her so hard to love unconditionally"? and I can't find an answer for it. So maybe your husband has the problem, "fear of loving or being loving or loveable"? Maybe and then here you come to MIP to talk with many others who understand the power of self love which is from where I learned the reasons and found the strength to move on. Welcome to the board, keep coming back often...like the program of Al-Anon and its literature and face to face meetings and service positions we learn and grow and find grace and unconditional love for ourselves and others. (((((hugs)))))
Welcome Shelby to MIP. Al-anon is such a gift, full of prayers, slogans, meditations, tools and wisdom. The 12 steps help you, at your own pace, actual arrive at a peaceful mindset, so you are no longer angry or sad. Please consider going to face to face meetings in your area and do continue to talk with us anytime.
P.S. The best tool I found is detachment and the best ancronym is QTIP.
QTIP:
Quit
Taking
It
Personally
-- Edited by Debb on Wednesday 12th of August 2015 03:11:45 PM
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
I moved on after almost 20 yrs. Im now happy and free so there is hope. Go to alanon meetings and dive into the recovery program and watch the changes.x
Keep reaching out for support. Alanon is a
Great start to your journey. You will learn
So much about yourself and how to love
yourself, practice self care and have a higher
power greater Than you.
There are many tools to embrace to help
You move thru the muck. It all takes time
And effort to get there.
I have a drug and alcohol therapist She is
great. Most good therapists will Recommend
alanon if there were addictions involved or
If you come from dysfunction and/or alcoholism.
It Took alanon to change me so i could grow.
People can tell you all they want but change
Is hard.
Thank you Mirandac for giving me hope and helpful advice. I will try to attend a face to face meeting and if not, I will be here to share and receive guidance.
Hi El-cee! I've been hearing the same from others, so I will try my best to attend the meetings. Thank you for your advice. I look forward to being at peace one day soon.
Thank you Debb! I will try and attend the face to face meetings and try not to take what he says personal. That I will practice. I will let you know how it works out for me.
Hi Mattie! I did find a meeting close to my house at a church. They have it on a Tuesday night. I will try to attend them and go from there or do the online ones. I thank you for your encouraging words and I will be keeping in touch.
Selby we call it esh experience, strength and hope.
We do not give advise only what worked for us.
When i attended face to face mtgs i just sat, listened,
Learned and absorbed for a long time. Basically You
learn the ropes and the concepts and be Willing to change
and grow. It all takes time and effort.There is no easy or
quick fix. Most of us come from alcoholism or the dysfunction
from it then we marry it so we have A lifetime to work thru.
Everyones recovery journey is different.
Self love is what I need to work on. I have severe depression, so it really is something I need to work on. I will try to attend the face to face meetings and sharing here on this website. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
Working the Alanon program, a sponsor and attending meetings may help you. It's a personal choice. It's a take what you liked and leave the rest kind of program which makes it easier to keep coming back for what you want or need. Moving on means different things from person to person. It's very possible to move on without moving out when you use tools of Alanon. There is no right or wrong choice, courageous or cowardly choice. We all look at our own lives and situations and choose what is best for us. So many things can affect our choices. Alanon helps us to look inward at the "whys" concerning the choices we make.
We don't give advice in this program concerning leaving or staying with an alcoholic aside from if you're experiencing violence. If so, its suggested that you find safety as soon as possible.
Alanon is good for helping a person identify their wants and needs. Many of us come into the program feeling tired and desperate and trying to determine what our needs are. It can be enlightening and empowering to discover what our wants are and that we deserve to have those as well. The support here and at in person meetings can act as your strength while you take the baby steps of getting to know yourself. Then with time, you'll stand in your own truth and you'll know what moving on means for you. Keep coming back. It works if you work it. You're worth it. TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Digging into your program will definitely
Help you with self love and self acceptance.
Your HP loves you as you are. That feels
Good after being told otherwise.
Thank you I will take what I can from all of this to help me along the way. I have a long journey and I appreciate all the encouragement from everyone responding to me.
Hi! I appreciate you and thank you for this ~~The key to happiness is letting each situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be. ~~ This is the beginning to finding my peace.
