The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's page in One Day at a Time in AlAnon asks some questions that serve as an effective reset when I find myself struggling with negative thoughts and feelings.
The AlAnon program is not a magic pill that miraculously and permanently removes our troubled thoughts. The page notes that even when we've been involved with the program and its focus on improving ourselves rather than others, we still may struggle with the thought of AlAnon as "a way to personal freedom".
This can happen especially when we feel trapped in the circumstances of our life, a common feeling among AlAnon newcomers. But we are challenged to ask ourselves "What am I doing about it?"
The reading notes that our default impulse is to seek change outside of ourselves first, often through attempted manipulation of people and things. Then another question, 'Do I employ various aggressive or passive behaviors in an attempt to get those around me to behave the way I want them to?'
ODAY says point blank: We will not find happiness employing this strategy.
The freedom from our negative feelings of frustration and entrapment comes only by changing ourselves, by addressing and removing the thoughts and feelings that hold onto and foster our grief.
Today's Reminder
We each hold the power to sever the chain holding us as prisoner to our pain. This chain is made up of our character defects, including the refusal to accept responsibility for the situation in which we find ourselves and the feelings we hold onto.
Quote
"Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."
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I did not want to believe this when I first came to AlAnon, but I came to see the wisdom and truth it holds. That has not kept me from my default reaction to want to change others before myself, however. The battle to replace that tendency is ongoing, but with the help of daily reminders from pages like this, I am making headway and feel the difference.
Using just my own intuition and 'gut' feelings before I reached AlAnon left me feeling trapped and defeated. Using the wisdom of the program to focus on adjusting my perspective rather than others' behavior has allowed me to add peace to my choice of feelings, regardless of the actions of others. I am very grateful...
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks a ton for the daily and your ESH. I too always thought, felt, believed (choose a verb) that if others did what I thought they needed to, my life would be better.
As I look at what I just wrote, it looks and sounds as insane as it was - and so very tiring! When I look around today to try and understand what's changed for the better, it is me through this program and the tools. I am grateful that when I feel down, sad, burdened or overwhelmed, I can always pick those back up and change my attitude/outlook as I want to.
I admit that there are days where I have to readily remind myself that I am choosing a different attitude. I am also one who tries to start each day with the readers as well as prayer and meditation. These small steps and other program tools help to keep me grounded in the program, which helps restore me to sanity.
Great reading with great reminders!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You mean I'm not the only one?! It's not that I am glad to know that others suffered, but I admit I feel a little less faulty that this struggle is not unique to me, as the reading noted.
@Iamhere - As I read your post I was nodding my head in agreement and the understanding that comes from having the same feelings. The thought that just surfaced as I look back on my desire for others to do the changing is, "Wow, did I have an incredibly underserved sense of entitlement, sprinkled heavily with arrogance." Working AlAnon has been a humbling experience, but certainly a rewarding one, as my growing sense of humility has been outpaced by the peace I am finding as I stop believing I have the answers.
I am with you on the reminders: daily, hourly, sometimes in a steady uninterrupted stream. But you make a great point: It is so empowering to know that even when I slip down in my thinking, I can fix it by picking up a book, rolling through the Serenity Prayer, or a quick Let Go, Let Anyone Else.
I appreciate so much the ESH you share on the boards and the connection your shares have to the principals in AlAnon; your program work is readily apparent, keep up the good work!
@Debb - Great reminder, that is a heavyweight! So important to remember that we know not what burden others carry, that they may be working just as hard as we are, perhaps even harder, though it may not be apparent to us. Remembering that we are all in varying stages of health and recovery is something I can certainly work harder to do.
@Bethany66 - Exactly! If that isn't a slogan, it should be...regardless, I'm adding it to my list!
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
It's not that I am glad to know that others suffered, but I admit I feel a little less faulty that this struggle is not unique to me, as the reading noted.