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So im not sure if what about to post belongs here or not but im needing some encouragement and needed to turn somewhere. Fir the first time in a long time ive made decisions in my life fir me. . And yet im feeling worse than ever. Let me re cap, i finally left a job that although afforded me a fabulous schedule, was in an extremely toxic and stressful environment, i took a year long medic leave, went to therapy diligently, then found a new job, have been working on finding my serenity in all of this. . All while living in an alcoholic marriage and now finding out our daughter requires spine surgery . , that said. . Im not ok. My new schedule has been very hard to adjust to, my new work environment although far healthier in many aspects is still not what i want, my time management skills are poor. .Dishes in sink, laundry backing up, house not as clean, meals simply nonexistent and now, i just stepped on the scale and in the course of a year i have gained. . .20+lbs. . Even my stretch pants are tight. . Im a mess. I hate being overweight. . Ive purchased foods to go back on medifast which i had great success with three yrs ago and yet i just cant seem to committ. . But the pounds keep coming. Ive stopped my anti anx/depress med as that coukd be one culprit but im just so bummed. . Im feeling pretty . . . Well, im not sure. . Discouraged. Ive done good things for myself yet where us the benefit. . I thought id feel better, look better, be better and yet at the moment it seems worse. . Jyst feeling unmanageabke and i dont know where to turn. . .Thanks for lustenibg.Discouraged i guess, mentally tired and yet i cant understand why. . Ive done good thongs for
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
What I read your post is someone with a lot on their plate, including some difficult stuff that is bound to be stressful for the most resilient of people. I'm sorry to read about your daughter needing surgery and can imagine how worrying that can be. But I am also aware that I am reading a post written by someone with fabulous self awareness and the self belief to know that things can be better - which is pretty powerful tool work to my mind!
Congratulations on the new job and on getting out of a toxic work environment. If the new job isn't quite right for you then remember that there are other jobs out there and in time, you can move on. I've always found it hard to adjust to new work environments - but it happens and just takes a bit of time. Be gentle with yourself, you've done some great things. Asset lists anyone?!
It sounds like you're going through a LOT of changes lately. Take just one thing you wrote for instance...going back to work. After a year off, going back to work would be quite the adjustment for any of us. And it's not just the time spent at work that takes your time and energy. Now every day you're getting ready for work, having to plan lunch during work, driving to and from work, gassing up the car more often, and you have zero extra time to get home and make dinner without planning ahead. It's a big change! I hope you're patient and gentle with yourself as you go through the schedule adjustment.
And I can relate to the weight gain, even as a male. I gained 25 pounds last year and not an ounce of it was muscle :) Like you I recognized that it was making me feel badly and it was time for a change. The game changer for me was exercise. I started exercising once a week. Then twice a week. At first I hated it because it was only a reminder of how out of shape I let myself get (about 12 years of NO exercise!). I started taking a "boot camp" class and I was flopping around like a scarecrow in a hurricane. The instructor had fun laughing at me. But one step at a time, one day at a time. Today I exercise 3-4 times a week religiously and eating right automatically became a habit with the exercise. Now I dish back whatever the fitness instructor dishes out ;) I have faith that you too can start with a small step in a healthier direction for you.
I hope your daughter's surgery goes well. I have 2 kids and know how much my serenity would be affected if my kids had to have a surgery like that. Prayers and positive vibes coming your way!
So sorry you are feeling overwhelmed! As those above me suggest, it seems like you have a ton going on. Breathe, breathe, breathe - that's always my first tool of use when I feel like I am being caged in or knocked down. I then remember that I am supposed to be a one day at a time gal now, so I look to this day, this moment and it seems a bit easier.
I agree with littlelionman - physical activity - even just a 10-15 minute walk is a great way to clear your mind and commune with nature/calmness.
At times like this, I have no choice but to align with my program and all the tools. While it seems like there's no time for meetings, it is when I think I can't that I've learned I should. F2F meetings or online meetings - just meetings to remind me how important my recovery and the tools are for peace of mind and serenity.
I also make sure I contact a program friend each day. Even if it's just a text message, I keep close so that if it gets worse, the phone doesn't feel so darn heavy when I need to reach out.
Be good to you, be gentle with you and be kind to you. You will come back out of this one step at a time, one moment at a time, one day at a time. I agree also that an asset list or gratitude list would be wonderfully well-timed!
We're here for you - just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Ocean, You are living with the disease of alcoholism that is what is happening to you-- Please up your alanon meetings, keep coming here and sharing. You need all the alanon support you can get.
Sounds like you've made some great choices. It's was hard for me to leave a toxic work environment. I might not have liked it but at least I knew what to expect. You've taken a courageous action to find a better work environment.
When life on life's terms becomes overwhelming I try to schedule more time with my sponsor. Also, I ask for help from others. We don't have to do it all or do it alone. Prayer has also helped. There are times I just sit down and have a good cry and say hp show me what you want me to do. Not only is it a good release of the illusion of control over things I can't change but somehow my hp shows me what to do next.
We only have to deal with today. I hope your daughter's surgery goes well. Please keep us updated. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thank you all for the heartfelt encouragement. You all offered pieces of wisdom and reminders of hope. I know this will pass and in the long run it will be shown to me that its okay. Im struggling to find control when honestly im best to let go. . Somethings arent mine to conrol. I love the idea of being mindful and its something i teach to others yet so struggle to do it for myself. For some reason i thonk i have to be super woman when in reality its enough to show up and do what i can . The goal in this life us not to be successful. . The goal is to find our strength through and connected back to our God. In this end i know i desire to be able to look back and have it said, she did the best with what she had, knew, believed and loved. .i do need a good cry. I do need to BREATHE and i do need to pray and be peaceful. Its my hearts desire but mygo to is fear which results in attempts to control and power through at all cost. . .When really, i know, i need to BE. Thank you all. .
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
