The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond to my post about how to move out with your nonsupportive A still there in your face. It gave me strength, knowing what other people have been through, and just feeling the support.
My mom and dad were concerned about the unfolding situation. These two 80 year olds jumped in their car thursday morning and drove over 800 miles to come be with me. The hilarious thing is that, once I told my AH they were coming, he started complaining about that. He said he was dreading a visit by his inlaws, etc. ... after he set this in motion! I told him they weren't coming to visit him; they were coming to help me. I said "if you don't want to see them, you don't have to be there." He said he would not leave. I just see so clearly now all the ways he plays a victim. I don't like xx, but I won't do anything about it, is his creed. Anyhow, my parents finally arrived, and then he decided he would take the boys away for the weekend. They were gone yesterday, thank goodness, as I started to move stuff out of my house. . He just called to say good morning, and told me how sad and confused our ten year old it. It makes my heart hurt. Change is so hard, but I hope it will lead to better things. It's just so simple in a ten year old's mind: mom and dad, just stop fighting and get along! dad, just stop drinking! (then dad lies and says he has. Well, maybe he has; that's not for me to say, but as of last week it wasn't true.)
I am cycling through the stages of grief, but they keep coming around again. I got to acceptance, but then as I am actually in my house, and seeing everything I have done to get us settled since we moved in here 2 years ago (this week!), I am getting angry and sad again. It is just so wrong that I have to leave my house! Well, I don't HAVE to, but the alternative is even worse, of living with an active drinker and/or dry drunk who is not yet invested in his sobriety.
OK, gotta get going on packing for the day. I hope to turn off my emotions and just dwell in a practical place today as the emotions make everything so much more tiring. Thanks for reading and being there.
Big hugs ocean pine. The whole process is not
Easy especially since you have Young children.
Hold onto your HP with both hands to give you
Comfort and strength.
oceanpine - (((Hugs))) for you and your lovely parents! Reminds me on mine - they are also 80 - turning 81 this year and they would do just that if I told them I was moving out/on.
My prayers for you all today are that the day went well, you all were productive and you took some time to realize that this is a step in your freedom!
You will have time to help your son through this once you're in a healthier home. Take care of you and trust HP and live one day at a time - you got this!!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
