The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I always thought my husband may be an alcoholic but the past couple years it's really hit me. Watching him get to the point of urinating on himself about every time he's drank has made it very clear. One point last year he even defecated on himself and the pile of clothes he passed out on. I stepped in it when I walked out of my bedroom to find him passed out on the floor. By some miracle I had woken up before my, at the time, 5 and 3 year old boys. I get so angry still. I know that alcoholism is a disease. I know this all in my head but I get angry! It's not fair! I didn't sign up for this! I want to be there for my husband! I said I do! But it feels like he's choosing alcohol instead of our family! I've already let the boys see too much. Every time I've gotten ready to leave him I've gotten pregnant again and now I have a baby girl too! I'm a stay at home mom with 3 kids! I'm not a strong person, but I'm angry and tired. He finally declared sobriety 2 months ago. But he's relapsed 3 times now in the past 2 weeks. I know I don't have it as bad as some of you so please don't resent me. But I feel trapped and alone. I can't let them see their father in such a compromised way! my sweet sweet boys already know about alcohol and will ask if daddy peed on the floor when they find a water spill. I'm sorry for being so needy but encouragement would be nice.
Welcome to MIP ANC , I do so understand the pain, frustration and anger that you are feeling I have been there and knew that I needed to find support for myself before it went any further . I found alanon listed in the white pages, called the hotline number, and a very sweet person explained that what I was feeling was quite normal and that alanon was an organization started by the wife of the founder of AA so as to address the pain experienced by the people who live with the disease.
Alcoholism is a disease that is chronic, progressive and can be arrested but never cured. We who live with it develop many negative coping tools to help deal with the insanity we find ourselves living in
Alanon gave me tools that helped me to restore my self- esteem, rebuild my self- confidence, learn how to respond and not react and to live one day at a time taking care of MY responsibilities
Please search out meeting and keep coming back. You and the children
Yes somebody always has it worse but don't minimize it too much. You described really bad alcoholism and that is awful for him, you, and all involved. Follow up will alanon. It can help a lot.
Thank you all. I realized today that I was viewing alcoholism as an addiction. I've quit smoking before so I know about a physical addiction. But thinking about alcoholism as a disease has changed it a bit for me. I'm still angry but ready to work with my husband more rather than react so negatively. It was hard because I know he wasn't physically addicted.. he can go quite a while without drinking. and even at his worst he kept his job and only drank every weekend by himself in the middle of the night. I appreciate you all responding it's been such a help already just reading through these forums, but being addressed personally is so encouraging. Can I ask if there is an age limit to Al Anon groups? My oldest is just 6 years old.
Boy do I feel you on resentment and three young ones. Its hard yards running around after kids, sleep deprived with a new baby, body changes and suddenly you find yourself the mother of a fourth overgrown kid you never asked for, who creepily has replaced the man you thought you married! At least,that was a chapter of my life story. Feeling resentful under the circumstances is justified. The good news, it can be resolved. Takes a lot of time and programme work. Just wanted to stop by say hi, you're not alone, there is hope. Xxo
Welcome ANC. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's very difficult to handle for even the most enlightened. Al-anon has many tools that can help you maintain your sanity, clarity and serenity, but we are all human!
Glad you are thinking about your kids involvement. They also need you to be as healthy as possible in this situation. Al-ateen is for people 13 to 18. But I don't think there is anything for anyone that young. Maybe someone here has more experience to share about that.
Hugs for you and your family. Face to
Face meetings are a good place to start.
This is not an easy journey as you know
But support is here and also at face to Face
mtgs Where you will learn tools to live by
and ways To keep You sane.
I started alanon when i was at rock bottom
And there was one way and that was up. I just
Sat listened and learned with an open mind.
There is much to be learned about the disease
And your powerlessness over it. You can only
Change you. Most of us come from the disease
Or the dysfunction from the disease. You are
Not alone, keep reaching out for support.
Welcome to MIP ANC! Believe it or not, in our small world here, we do have Ala-Tots. I have no idea what it is like, but we do have it.
I am glad you are here and that you posted. This disease is so cunning, baffling, powerful and progressive. It tends to suck the life out of all who are involved, and you've started the journey to find some peace and serenity, no matter what he's doing.
You are right that you didn't sign up for this - none of us did. Whenever I start 'leaning that way' in my thinking, I try to pray for my HP's will. I've been taught in this program that there are lessons to be learned with every breath I take and every step I make, even if those lessons come with pain/consequences.
One huge tool that may help fast is the one day at a time concept. We try not to look at the past too much and we try not to anticipate what tomorrow may bring. We focus on the here and now as best we can, and do the next right thing.
Be kind to you, be gentle with you and do what you can to rest. You've got a full plate without this disease, so arming yourself with Al-Anon concepts, tools and support can be a blessing!
(((Hugs))) for you, him and your children. If he's talking about recovery, that means he's got some awareness or concern. Awareness of the illness is a step in the right direction.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Just hearing form you all brings tears to my eyes! I was livid when I woke up knowing what I would walk out to. After my husband slept it off he found me calm and at peace. He asked who I talked to and how I got over my anger so fast! I'm excited to attend my local Al Anon group! After years of anger and resentment I feel more prepared already to take this head on! Ahh! More tears!
ANC - So glad you found a bit of peace and calm from the fellowship here!
So happy for you that you've found a local F2F meeting - we are just a post away and know that you're not alone!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
