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My ah has been at of the house but definitely not out of my life. I am starting to become more aware of how I feel and what I want out of a relationship which is nice to be able to see clearly more. Weird thing happened when I kicked him out he got a lot of money from a house he sold. Well he has kept all the money and wants me to takeover all the bills on the house. He is renting a room and now he has no bills and about 30k, while I get to worry about where money is going to come from and barely any savings. Found out he gave 5k to a minister, he gave me 2k for half a credit card and a medical bill. Now how do u let go when they r the ones who drink and give u no choice but to kick them out. Now he is sober but says he moved his paycheck and the cash over bc of me kicking him out. I was prepared with him moving his paycheck but the blame he puts on me for kicking him out and the fact that I put money into our marriage and he just wants to walk away but still date. How can I let go of the money he will not share when this effects me and my daughters life? What can I do? Should I do anything and just say forget it get a roommate and have him sign a quick claim?
Helpangel, if she is his daughter, then he must pay child support at least. Debb is right that you should seek legal advice. Sign nothing before you do that because he can't just walk out on his responsibilities. He seems to be continuing the same selfish, self absorbed mindset he had before you kicked him out.
I too recommend some legal assistance. We can guess and speculate an assortment of options, but they'll have the real information for your state.
Know that we are here for you and I've brought in roommates before to help pay the bills. It's been a good experience for me mostly - just be sure to check them out and be comfy with whom you choose!
(((Hugs))) for you - trust your HP and take some action so you know what you are entitled to and one step forward, one day at a time!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Well it isn't his child so no help there and I am not sure I would be entitled to any money bc it was his house that sold before we married. I am just upset on how he blames me for kicking him out and not taking any responsibility. I have shared and put so much into the marriage and he just is so self consumed. I just am in shell shock at the moment. It has always been about him but I just didn't see it- should I be nice so that he gives me the rest of the money to pay off some bills or take true control and tell him to shove off for good. How have any of u handled the logistics of break ups? I really don't want to get lawyers involved bc then he will declare war and the money faucet will shut off until the lawyer gets it and he finally parts with some after 6 months of fighting. I am tried of chaos but don't know what is the best thing for my daughter and I.
If you want to be beholden to him, it woll come at a price. And no, you will not get him to take responsibility or change. You have your own truth and that's enough. I would not drive myself crazy over it. Basically, I would verbalize my truth (that you feel he takes no responsibility and you had your reasons for having him move out and it's sad he's in denial)...then I would detach and move forward with life without him. Just me...You know he's crazy and now also vindictive. Take care of your self, your sanity, and self-respect. That is priceless...worth more than money he can give you.
Thanks Debb...Helpangel - participation and follow through in alanon is critical...its hard to just change the way you interact on the spot. Alanon is the life preserver and key to a new life. It is the place tp grow and practice these things. You sound really ready for it.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 7th of August 2015 07:43:42 PM
Yeah, the blame game. It still gets me at times. Not only do their actions cause chaos, but we get blamed for it! Insult added to injury over and over again! It's crazy! And that's the key to getting through it for me. It's crazy. It's dilusion and twisted thinking caused by the disease! If you try to rationalize it you'll go crazy too. I know I did!
When it gets too twisted I call up the big guns - the narcotics anonymous slogan "I didn't quit, I surrendered!"
Oops. Premature phone post!
If you have legal recourse and the energy to take it, go for it. If not, then it would behoove you to work at letting it go. An alcoholic and his money are soon parted anyway so if you stuck with him you'd most likely be feeling a similar "where'd the money go?" issue. I lost a similar amount by asking my A to check with our lawyer on an insurance matter only to find out she didn't and just gave me the answer she THOUGHT was correct. If it's legally due you, do what you can. If not, stop letting him use it as an instrument of torture.
Sending hope for peace.
