The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been attending Al-anon meetings for about 4 months now so I still consider myself relatively new. I hear some really sad and terrifying stories in my meetings and I sit there and think "my situation was so much different". My addict (family member) is in long-term recovery now and he was never abusive or mean. He abused drugs secretly and hid it from everyone as he lived what appeared to be a normal life. I admit that I enabled him but never knowingly. He needed money for this or that and I always helped out but wondered the whole time if he was using it to buy drugs.
Weekly Al-anon meetings are a requirement by the recovery center in order for me to see him occasionally. I admit that I have learned a great deal from the meetings but I still wonder if Al-anon is for me because my situation is so different from the stories I am hearing. Am I just fooling myself or is this normal? Will I eventually "get it"? Have I just not encountered anyone yet with a similar story? I want to have a meaningful trustworthy relationship with my addict one day so I want to make sure I do this right.
The serenity prayer has been a great help to me during these last few months. However, being a positive thinker I stopped saying "grant me the serenity . . ." and started saying "I have the serenity . . ". That alone has been a tremendous help to me in so may aspects of daily life. The very religious component of Al-anon is a big struggle for me. I'm on what I call a "spiritual journey of discovery" right now and I'm leaning more toward Buddhism than Christianity. I accept that I cannot control the religious component but I still wish others in my meetings were more accepting. Everyone thanks Jesus for this or that and it really drives me nuts sometimes.
All advice and suggests are most welcome. Thanks for letting me rant.
Hey there The only requirement to be an al-anon member is that you have been affected by someone else's alcoholism. There is no right or wrong way to be affected! If you need support then you're in the right place. The program is about empowering ourselves, strengthening our connection with our HP (whatever that means for you) and learning to be happy, even joyful people whether out loved ones continue to drink or not. It isn't about comparing who has the worst experiences or who has 'suffered the most" although since we are mostly recovering codependents we all have a tendency to do that lol.
As to people thanking Jesus, well, I'm not a Christian but i don't have any concerns about people discussing Jesus, i just figure that's their HP and that's fine. Here in Australia we call a place where you fill up a car with fuel a Service Station. Americans call it a "gas station" and my kiwi friends call it a "garage". I know what they mean, it doesn't matter what word they use, you know? (Although if we were going to split hairs, I think Gas Station is silly because petroleum is a liquid, not a gas....lol...but this belief doesn't make me feel uncomfortable discussing cars or fuel with people from America...it's not really important what names people have for things is it?)
Anyway welcome, I hope you'll stick around and share some more!!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Thursday 30th of July 2015 08:59:10 AM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Welcome to Miracles in Progress. I'm glad that you are attending Al-Anon meetings and although you have not been able to identify with others that are sharing. I assure you that if you have been living with the disease of alcoholism believe it or not, you have been affected.
Our thinking becomes distorted, as we begin to focus our attention on others , and forget to take care of ourselves. Al-Anon suggest you try six different meetings before deciding if the program is for you. Our stories may be different, but I have found the feelings are the same. I can identify with a 20-year-old or 80-year-old because we are all human and respond to this disease in a similar fashion.
Alanon is a spiritual program and not a religious one. It is stressed that we can choose our own higher power and if people at the meeting are referring to; "Jesus", I would ask for a business meeting to discuss that subject. We have traditions that remind us that the unity of the group is important and that it is a spiritual program and not a religious one.
I attended meeting for over a year before I spoke, I went with an open mind to listen and learn, and I know I felt better when I left.My HP was the philosophy and principles of the program as they offered me tools that I never had before, and that was a power that I could rely on
The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend
Welcome to MIP creatvepro - so glad you found us and joined in!
All I can say is I was told to look for the similarities and not the differences when I attended meetings. With regards to the Higher Power, while God is typically the most common, I've heard everything from Group, Good Orderly Direction, Buddha, Yahwey and many, many more!
The important element of the spiritual aspect of the program is that we are not self-willed and self-reliant. As far as are you as affected as others, time will tell. It sounds as if your family member is just beginning their recovery efforts. My experience is that 'more will be revealed as time goes on' and having an arsenal of tools directed to help you deal with the affects of another's substance abuse seems win/win to me!
(((Hugs))) to you and so glad you're here! Post anytime - we're usually close by....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome! Glad to have you here with us! Second to what the others have said!
No one gets to Alanon by mistake. Alcoholism(Addiction) has long tenacles and touches everyone it comes into contact with. Look for similiarities in thoughts, feelings and behavoirs. You're fortunate that you arrived when you did! You don't need a horrific story to tell in order to participate and recover.
Aloha Creatvpro and I agree with the others keeping up with "similarities" rather than differences. That suggestion was offered to me 36 years ago when I first got here and had sooooo much trouble finding a place in program. I thought "they are all different" and then slid over to "I'm not like them". Listening to the similarities closed the gap and the miracle started. I have to laugh because I've heard many arguments regarding Higher Power...God and even the gender of God. In order that I not make matters worse for me I accepted it all as just "How they understood God" while I held on to my understanding and kept an open mind. The God of my understanding today is different than when it was back then as I learned more about my past self and the culture I grew up within. I came into Al-Anon with my own issues not to create more issues than I already had and so far that has worked wonders for me. Stay new. (((((hugs)))))
Welcome, Creatvepro, glad you have found AlAnon and this forum. I am new enough (2+years) to AlAnon to remember my first experience with the program and also relate to some of what you shared.
Years before coming to AlAnon, I was cut off from my family and entire social circle because of the nature of their belief in God. For years my pain and anger towards christianity, and God in particular, made it unbearable to be around any discussion or even mention of them. I strongly believed that logic, reason, and the strength within myself was enough to guide me in life.
A couple of things changed in my life, one being that my tolerance increased for those who found comfort in their religion or god concept and were able to use it to become "better" individuals within themselves and to others. The second was that I reestablished a relationship with someone who had a hidden drinking problem that I was not aware of.
The latter I addressed with all of the strength, strategy, perseverance, and love that I carried. Despite my best effort, I went from being confident that I could handle the challenge and make it work for both of us, to completely mentally exhausted, defeated, confused, sad, and resentful.
I was made aware of AlAnon by a healthcare worker who I reached out to while trying to identify resources for my qualifier's recovery. I was fortunate that my first meeting was not "God heavy", had a mixed group of secularists and low key Christians who used a variety of terms for Higher Power or none at all, and said the Serenity Prayer rather than the Lord's Prayer. Though my personal story was different from those present, I heard information from my first meeting that brought me peace and informed me of how to interact with my qualifier in ways that was mutually beneficial.
I have attended meetings in several different areas and online since then, and found each to be different in levels of program strength and health (focus on program/recovery, or victimization) and discretion with concept of 'God as we understood him' (It need NOT be Jesus, GOD, etc). A few meetings I've attended are made up of members who are more vocal about their particular understanding, but I have never been made to feel uncomfortable because I chose not to join in recitation of the Lord's Prayer, or use Higher Power instead of god, etc.
What does not change is the wisdom of the program as outlined in the Steps, daily readers, and other books from the AlAnon Family Group. The Experiences, Strength, and Hope shared in those pages have been invaluable to me in introducing new perspectives and tools for use in all aspects of my life, not just with my qualifier. In AlAnon I learned that it was not my strength that was important for my qualifier's recovery, but rather my willingness to admit that I was powerless over it.
I'm so glad you found AlAnon and hope you keep coming back. We may not all share the same path to get here, but we all seek help because of another's drinking. AlAnon is here for all of us, despite our religious beliefs or individual differences, and for that I am so grateful...
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks for the advice about looking for similarities instead of differences. That really hit home with me and I will begin doing that at my next meeting.
