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I guess what I'm trying to ask is, is an alcoholic an alcoholic before they ever start drinking, and can behaviors/thought processes that occur earlier in the alcoholic's life be a result of the disease?
My AH was talking to me the other night about some thought processes and behaviors that he has that he feels are more contributers to the alcohol abuse than are a result of the abuse. Inappropriate things he did as far back as early teenage years, long before he ever had a taste of alcohol. For example, stealing, lying, manipulating, and justifying it by thinking he deserved these things, rules didn't apply to him, etc. To me that sounds like standard behavior of an alcoholic...but he hadn't ever had a drink yet. These are certainly behaviors that have worsened and increased with the use of alcohol over the past decade, but it makes us wonder if he has another mental illness that began long ago, plus alcoholism, or was the alcoholism ingrained in him, but he just hadn't drank yet and it was only a matter of time?
It makes perfect sense. Ive listened to alcoholics at conventions and they say they always felt different, always with distorted and disturbed thinking. Whether its because they were born into the disease, raised by parents affected by the disease or its in their genes, im not sure. For me, im not an alcoholic but i was born into the disease so i saught an alcoholic partner to fit in with my own disease so it might be worth looking at your own issues and what led to you being with an alcoholic, it doesnt happen by accident.
My personal experience is YES....the isms existed in me before I ever consumed a mind-altering substance. It's hard to describe, but I always felt inferior, anxious, and stressed - even as a small child. My first experience with Alcohol made that all go away (temporarily). I spent the next 15 years working my backside off trying to recreate that first experience, to never have it happen again. No amount of alcohol or other substance gave me the relief from my own 'self' as that first one did.
I spent quite a bit of time also doing 'bad things' and then angry when there were consequences. In my case, I believe (now) that I was seeking attention and would take any I could get - even if it was negative. I was the baby of the family, and my parents popped out 4 of us in 5 years + 5 months.
This is part of what makes an alcoholic different - they feel relief from their first drink/drug or whatever caused them to do ti seemed 'fixed temporarily'. From that point on, the alcoholic mind is seeking/chasing/wanting/needing that relief again.
I don't know if this makes sense, but I am trying to explain the mental craving which I no longer have as I have other ways to find relief (spiritual program, meetings, steps, etc.)
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
El-cee, oh that does make sense! His father is an alcoholic in denial...his mother micromanages his father's drinking, i.e. he can only start drinking after 5 p.m., after he's accomplished x, if he's not leaving the house the rest of the day or driving, etc. I know part of it is how he grew up...I'm just baffled by some of the behaviors he is telling me he engaged in so early in life and how strongly it lines up with alcoholism.
For me, I know what my deal is...severe anxiety that has led to incredibly low self-esteem. Over the past year I have done a LOT of work on myself to where I finally know who I am and what I want and can (mostly) stand up for myself and set boundaries. Which is why I think it's become SO apparent over the past month that AH needs help.
Iamhere - Yes! That makes so much sense, thank you. Inferior, anxious, stressed...sounds just like what my AH describes of how he felt in childhood. He, in particular, has spoken of feeling so insecure and inferior that he took on a false sense of superiority that just spiraled...
Exactly.....and I know I'm not the only one that 'felt better' the first time or the first few times and then chased it for a long while to never have that relief (the same) again....
So glad that he's been able to 'see' some of that - it's a hard reality for us but it truly helped me to understand that it is a disease and not a choice and I had to treat my disease each and every day or it would return (with a vengeance).
(((Hugs))) to you both!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
"Yes" I believe the" isms" are present before the first drink.I do believe I saw them in my son as early as five or six and even then tried to point him in the direction of the AA principles and philosophy. He often told me that I saw "alcoholics" behind every corner.
He did not drink alcohol until he was in his 30s, however, his behavior was filled with the "isms" even before he drank.
yep, I too Completely Understand, Me being an Alcoholic as Well i Can Say Like "iamhere" that thee Very First drink that I Fould Joy, Calm, Peace in, when I was 12 Years Old... 3 yrs before that My Parents Split, we Moved about 4 times with family house to house, and when My mom finally got us in a Place of our Own, She had to bust butt with 3 jobs So I had Plenty of Time to Find All the Trouble I Needed, and Like above I Found Any And ALL Attention I could, and Went Decades Chasing that 1st Buzz of Releif...
I was Such a Child when I Started that I really Can't say if it was "pre" Drinking or not, but I Can tell you the Mental Strain I was Under Just Kept Wanting to Feed the Beast... And I know Honestly without my Son, I Don't know that I would have had the Strength to Fight this Disease For ME... Now I Can Say it was For Me, but in the Beginning... I didn't seem Worthy of the Fight... Hard Truth, But a Well Known one for me...
Thanks for this Share, I Needed to hear some of this, just to remember where I Started, and how far I have Come...
Congrats to AH for becoming "Aware" that is a Major Step in the Right direction with Recovery... Being Willing and Ready to Accept and Point our Journey in a new Direction ;) Even if Only baby Steps...
I Do Believe this disease was "Gifted" to me, and tho it had pained me so... Without it, I wouldn't have this Program, and this New Life I have, So for All things I am Grateful... Even My Disease...
