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I left my bf's house last night in a foul mood and I know it had nothing to do with him, but everything to do with me. He was teasing me about the fact that I needed to go home and take care of my dog instead of spending the night with him and giving me a hard time. I know he was only kidding but I felt a bit put off: both by the fact that I had to take care of the dog when I really did want to stay and then by the fact that I know he wanted me to stay but I couldn't. My XAH had been in my house yesterday without my permission when he dropped the dog off at my home while I was at work and I was irked about that, too. He left 2 bags of clothes on my couch for my son. My son is in CA playing a World Team Tennis Event this week and it's the first tournament that I've ever missed and maybe I'm angry about that, too?
All I know is: I am in a foul mood. There was another situation with the bf that rubbed me the wrong way yesterday and I kept wondering if that was part of the problem, but really, I think it's an accumulation of negative. Sometimes I have to remember that it's OK to be down and it's OK to be sad or angry. That's why I love the acronym: HALT. Asking myself: am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? For today, I think I'm angry and I think I had some expectations of my bf and of myself and of my XAH that maybe weren't fair(well, with my XHA, he had no right to enter my property but that's a different story).
Whatever the reason is, I know that it will all work out eventually and I am so grateful to program tools because they help me work through them and they give me the strength to figure it out even when I just want to lay down and not deal anymore.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Well XAH in my house uninvited would get me plenty angry too, no doubt about that!
As to the rest, you're right, we can't be in a good mood all the time, but using our tools can stop us reacting to the mood in ways that damage us so, yay for that at least!
A friend suggested that instead of keeping him out of my home, I build a little shrine in my living room to my XAH, with hundreds of pictures of him, chicken feathers, candles burning etc for him to see next time he decides to invade my home. The idea being to scare him so much he'll never want to come near me again. Ridiculous idea but it gave me a good giggle
Hugs anyway. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Anyone who enters someone else's domain without permission is violating trust. I know my XAH went through my apartment as I was moving in and went through every room to the point of opening and closing closet doors. As an only child that is the biggest taboo going .. LOL .. you do not do that .. I'm weird that way big time .. I'm not doing anything wrong .. I just don't like having my domain entered and feel violated big time.
HA HA .. Miss M .. I like that idea!!
ILD .. you know to me that is a boundary and control issue. It IS ok to have off days and anyone who says every day they are seeing unicorns poop purple poop and smiling about it probably has a nut or two loose .. we are human and it is the natural balance to have good and off days. I think the bigger issue is what do I choose to do with the off days .. I can be gentle to myself .. I can see to my own needs and I can opt out of passive aggressive joking. Say what you mean .. mean what you say and don't say it mean. Coming into my house would freak me out especially if I wasn't there because that is snooping that is not for any other purpose than that.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Son growing is always painful to go through. I would think that would definitely contribute. Isn't it great having tools that allow us to feel, and know that the feeling will eventually work itself out?
Well I have to tell you guys that the only funny thing about this is that Xah probably saw my framed photo of me with the new man because that was up in my family room, lol! So maybe that will keep him from entering my house again?
I have chosen to wait until he returns for me to address this with him.
I am still sad and carrying some resentments over expectations that I need to let go of. So that will be my focus for the next week or so. I really need to get better at living in the moment and just enjoying 'what is'.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
My son won both his matches yesterday but I was sad that I had to miss it. But, we're in a new phase of our journey and I need to find acceptance for it.
As for my foul mood, that slowly lifted through the day yesterday and I was back to normal after talking to a few program friends yesterday. By the time I got to my boyfriend's house last night, I was feeling good and was able to be present and not distracted while we were out to dinner and relaxing. I am not going to say anything to my XAH at this point in time. I have nothing to hide and, as far as i can tell, he didn't take anything of mine. I'm sure he was just snooping. Oh well.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Yay for your son's success! Super cool that he's out there and he's winning! I know you feel bad about not being there but you can still offer loving support - from a far...
That whole snooping thing truly drives me crazy....my sponsor always has to remind me that what I view as right and wrong isn't how everyone was raised. I would never go through somebody's home and snoop. I have no interest and would just feel wrong. But - when I find myself bothered by the actions of others, I just have to remind myself they were raised differently. That helps me be grateful for my parents + upbringing and helps me to let it go faster....
I also love HALT. It does seem to help me realize there is an underlying reason why I'm 'left of center'. What's so funny? I keep gaining and loosing the same 5-10 lbs. and I am now blaming it on HALT....JK - but seriously food is a calming factor for me and I am a stress eater. So - when my clothes get tighter, if I haven't already figured out I need to up my program, I find it out through my HP speaking to my waistline!
Yay for you that you used your tools and changed your 'place in space'. Keep up the good work! (((Hugs)))!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
