The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wish I could bring Al-Anon to my family, certain friends. I have gotten so much good peace and contentment from having it in my life I wish I could share it with people and help them achieve it as well. Visiting my family I sat back and cringed at the way people who care about each other miscommunicated, it's hard to stay in my own skin and not jump into the fray like an Al-Anon-armored knight riding in on a 12-legged steed to rescue them from themselves. Its hard to know these truths and know such peace and NOT be able to really spread the word - the very little talking I've done gets met with silence, rolled eyes, brief pause then they're onto their next topic. Watching others trying to control what isn't theirs to control, fretting over small stuff, working hard to be acknowledged as "right" - it's why I live so far away and limit my time with them, I love them, but I can't fix them. They have to fix themselves! ha, and first they have to see that something they do needs fixing eh?
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Oy..tell me about it. At the airport now. Still decompressing from dramafest. Ultimately, I wish these people would take the parts of the program that allow one to own one's own crap and not others and just to be true to themselves. People hurting themselves with drama, self-sabotage, and codependency is discouraging but not my job to fix.
I agree with Mark, it's craziness out there with people and their baggage that they wear on their sleeves. They're hurting just like everyone else, you know, so I know that program would really help them so dang much! I would love to walk around with our flyer on detachment and start giving it to people I know or people I see hurting.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
I agree completely LM H, I have attempted to bring program to my family for many years and they to "roll their eyes", change the subject and move back into their comfort zone of talking about others, and the latest drama caused by their own sanity.
I love the sentence from your post that I have outlined in red below
"but I can't fix them. They have to fix themselves! ha, and first they have to see that something they do needs fixing eh?"
My family thinks they are perfect, and that the rest of the world needs to be changed and fixed. They wouldn't have a clue how to keep the focus on themselves, on their part in things, and live life on life's terms.
My acceptance of this, has enabled me to detach with love when I'm around them. This truly is a great program. I also know that I can pray for them and that is a powerful gift I can give them.
I also completely agree LikeMyHeart! I have to say that our family get-togethers would be so different, maybe even less 'fun' if they all got well though - I wouldn't know how to behave if they all acted with respect and humility...
Betty - your statement, "My Family thinks they are perfect, and that the rest of the world needs to be changed and fixed." That nails my FOO exactly. My extended family resents my FOO because of this entrenched warped value, so the family dynamics are different when my whole family is present vs. when just I attend. That's a perfect gift in a dysfunctional world - that they see me as more loving, caring, etc. than my FOO.
I am able to offer snippets of program in small doses under the pretense of profound wisdom. I have one of my cousins living, "One Day at a Time" as her son's wedding approaches. I have another who is 'Detaching with love from a super co-dependent sister' and that's the only way I can offer any assistance - very small doses during moments of great insanity when they are ready to try something new/different.
We had a meeting this morning on sponsor/sponsee relationships. It was extremely interesting as each person defined the relationship a bit 'different' and some are more demanding and commanding than others. What we did realize is none of us are perfect at it as we've all fired and been fired in both roles. Love that we are on this journey together and so appreciate that it's about progress and not perfection!
Love and hugs to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
