The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good Morning! Thanks for taking the time to read.. I'm not sure if this is the right place for me but I'm not sure where else to turn for support. My story is a long one and probably the same as many of yours so I'm hoping to hear from those who have been or who are where I am right now.
Wife and I used to drink together on weekends.. that grew into Friday, Saturday, Sunday & Monday nights
I drank every night... to excess
I quit drinking 2 years ago - she didnt
Her drinking has increased over that time and I'm not sure what to do now. If I mention anything, I'm told that I'm being judgmental or that I am acting like I'm 'perfect', etc.. even our kids have made comments about her behavior when she's been drinking yet she still doesn't see it.
Not looking for an answer here.. just hoping to hear your thoughts on how to manage
Hello Mericose, welcome to Miracles in Progress. I would like to congratulate you on being able to stop drinking and then say I can so identify with what you shared as my hubby and I started out the same way. I was able to stop and my husband could not.
In an effort to control the insanity I was living in, I learned that alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease that could be arrested but never cured. I didn't cause it, can not control it and I can't cure it, but because I lived with it. I was affected by the disease and needed a program of recovery of my own.
AA is a recovery program for the person that drinks and Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members. Living with the disease and attempting to cope with the insanity, we too develop negative coping tools that are destructive to ourselves and our lives because by focusing our attention on the person who is drinking, we neglect our own well-being and their own lives.
Al-Anon gave me a place to break the isolation caused by the disease and a place to practice new behaviors and new tools. It is here I learned to; keep the focus on myself, live one day at a time, stop reacting and respond to situations and rebuild my self-esteem.
Face-to-face meetings are held in most communities and the hotline number is in the white pages.
Please check with them and also keep coming back here you are not alone
I can sure relate to this too; my A and i were drinking buddies for several years before I decided I had had enough and he seemed to get a lot worse.
It wasn't easy; al-anon helped me to take him and his drinking out of the equation in order to work out what I actually wanted and needed for myself and my child. I think that's essential before it's possible to evaluate how the A and their drinking can or cannot fit in with your lives.
Also, welcome!
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Welcome to MIP - so glad you found us and that you posted. This darn disease is cunning, baffling, powerful and progressive. When I arrived here, those with patience and experience told me that there are 3 Cs that are helpful to know - I didn't Cause it, I can't Cure it and I can't Control it....
These gave me immediate relief as I felt that what I did, how I acted, how I reacted, what I said, etc. contributed to the disease/use of those I lived with and love.
It was also suggested to me that I embrace the Al-Anon program to understand more about the disease and to learn how I can find peace and happiness in spite of what others are doing around me. I had many doubts, but was extremely hopeless and decided I had nothing to loose and everything to gain.
I have since found out many things about me and how I see and perceive things. I've learned new tools and ways to cope with what's going on around me. I hope you will join us and find some peace as well.
Know you are not alone and that we're all just a post away!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
