I am so grateful today as my Alcoholic BF has left the city to return to his hometown across the county. I feel so happy and relieved not to have his presence around. I feel such relief not having to deal with his selfish behavior. I told him to take his time, even a month to figure out his life and what he wants. On the way to airport he asked why did I not go with him. I said because I need to get away myself and I want to return to my home town. If only he knew that I do not want to be in his presence. I cried last night as I knew in my heart this relationship is over and that nothing is going to change with him. I cried because I tried and gave and gave emotionally to him and received nothing back. I only want to be loved and respected and I never received that from him. The tears came and I am glad it did as I needed to face reality for what it is. A reality that is based on him only and his selfish needs and wants. He has no room for me. There is no romance and when he is sober, he hardly talks, yet when he drinks he can talk and talk for days. I know he knows as well its over between us. There is no trust left. He talks to his ex's (girlfriends, wife's) constantly in his hometown and he has told me to leave as he is talking to his friends. After a year of this garbage I have lost all trust and hope in him and us. He is emotionally dead and a mess and I am wasting my time. This was the reality I was dreading and afraid to face. He does not like living in this province (we are in Canada) we are in. He is miserable and of course it effects me. All he does is complain about working and just plain tired. He has no life. Its work, sleep and drink and does not go anywhere or do anything on his days off work as he is drunk. He is a sad case and I refuse to go anywhere with him when he is drinking. I have learned the hard way, its embarrassing and sad. I do have plans to get away myself as well and take care of me. I hurt as I gave so much and received nothing back. I do not even want to talk to him while he is away. I am so done with this one sided relationship. I do hope he can figure out what he wants and if that means he moves home to his hometown permanently, that is the way it goes. I can manage the house here and live here in peace without him. Because he works in the trades (an electrician), he can return here for work and go back to his hometown. There are options and I do hope he considers it as I need to be happy just as he is. I am grateful today, for this moment of peace and not having to worry! Yepee!