The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Courage to Change reading for July 17 speaks about being detached from others and being able to learn how to be happy whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.It points out that is important for us to keep in mind that we have our own life and our own destiny and it's must be separated from that of the other people in our life.
After thinking about this reading and working the program I finally understood that " partnering" means to walk side by side not merged together Merged we are only one "whole person" side by side we are two whole people still much able to support each other . Once I accepted that fact, it was easier to detach from the decisions they make on how they conducted their lives as my fate was no longer tied directly to theirs.
I must admit that with my son this was much harder than with hubby or other family members --although my fate was not attached to my son's outcome my entire heart was .
I did become able to accept others for who they are and to listen to their ideas and concerns without trying to control because with Al-Anon tools I can concentrate my energy to have some control-- over my own life.
Today's reminder suggests that our time is much too precious to waste living in the future or worrying about something over which I have no power.
And the quote is from Al-Anon is for adult children of alcoholics. "As I continue to practice bringing the focus on myself,it is a relief to see. I can let go of others instead of trying to solve their problems."
I am off to a picnic at an old childhood vacation spot and looking forward to a "trip down memory lane "
Thanks for the daily and the lovely ESH! I had a terrible time with detaching from my boys - more by far than from my AH. I guess my eyes saw my AH as a grown-up very able and willing to make decisions and life choices, but refused to see my boys in the same way.
As I've grown in the program and worked the steps, I've come to understand that they can always be my 'babies' but they're not my 'projects' nor are they and their choices a reflection on me. This was so very tough to accept and embrace and turn over, but I've done better than I thought I would or could.
I do love the quote as it's so true....when I keep the focus on my program, my thoughts, attitudes, actions and reactions, it's much easier to let go of others and what they are doing, saying, etc. I did not understand that for a long while and am not sure how it works but it does and it's a great gift!
Enjoy your picnic - it sounds lovely and my hope is your trip down memory lane is pleasant and filled with happy memories. This is another gift of the program for me - before I began, I would often look at photos and be sad. Today, I can look at the same photos and remember the happy/happier times!
God is Good!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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