The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well....after having my moment of clarity a week and a half ago...I have been to three f2f meetings...started reading my c2c again and tonight dug out my old Paths to Recovery book to read up on step one. It was so nice to go back to my home group and see so many familiar faces. To be welcomed back with open arms. Monday's topic at my home group was powerlessness. How perfect. I'm going to take some real time on step one....I know that's where I am. I really feel I need two meetings a week right now and it feels really good to know 100% that this time I'm doing it for me.
Al-Anon is my life line right now. My AP isn't drinking but he is active in another addiction....sugar. It sounds so mild after living with drugs and alcohol but things are out of control enough that we have holes in our walls and him and I....although loving...are sleeping in separate rooms right now. I Ã m powerless over making him see his sugar addition is ....believe it or not .....just as destructive as his alcohol and heroin addition was. It's all the same. Ease and comfort is ease and comfort regardless of the substance.
With his liver disease the toxic poison of ice cream, soda, chocolate and processed crap doesn't get filter out of him system just like the alcohol use too and after a while it creates a kind of phycosus. Just as chaotic and unreasonable as ever. Who would have thought????
I am powerless.
Step one is the most difficult step of all, because we have to keep practicing it every day forever.
Seems so simple doesn't it. I am powerless over people places and things...yet old habits are hard to break.
It's a process...I know we cant stand to see the ones we love being destructive, but then again it is their choice after all, their right.
I have a cousin with a fatty liver and I just asked her , has your Dr. talked to you about it yet. Not yet was the answer. I wanted
to tell her how serious it is, but held my comments....I kept hearing a voice in my head saying..."There consequences". Until that time
that they realize the consequences of their actions, "We are Powerless"
Keep on Nightingale, work on yourself and with the tools of Alanon and the solutions will come along with the letting go.
I just started Al-Anon meetings a few months ago after someone mentioned them on a ptsd forum. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 yrs is a recovering Alcoholic just had his 30th B-day and my ex was a workaholic.
Looking at the first 3 steps I can get overwhelmed thinking how I am going to really get through them. I know it is 'One step at a time' I guess. I have had to learn to first focus on myself and not worry so much about my A. He does some gambling on a regular basis. It is the 'scratch offs' you buy at a convenience store. I know there is really nothing I can do about it.
Now though that he knows I am going to Al-Anon it may help that we have this to discuss because he does know the 'program' well although doesn't seem to practice it like he should.
I got off topic. But yes, I need to remind myself daily I am powerless. I am powerless over my life and the life of what my A is doing now.
If I can really practice this I can find more peace and relief from the stress of carrying around some of my A's burdens. I have already let many of them go and it has really made a difference in my life.
((Nightingale ))) The First step was difficult for me- as I thought "that if I am powerless ,I am surrendering to the insanity of this disease and I will be destroyed". My sponsor suggested that I trust the process and assured me that it is in the" 2nd Step", where I acknowledge a Power greater than myself. There I will find a Power that will guide the situation- if I surrender.
As has been said I must do this every day and each situation where I want to jump in and control -- The freedom to let go is amazing.
Good luck
(((Nightingale))) - hugs to you.....boy - it's my opinion only, but addictive personalities can and often do substitute one addiction for another. I certainly see why Step 1 applies - that admission of powerlessness is so daunting, but worth it and very possible.
I had the idea that admitting powerlessness was being weak. I felt this way also about humility. I had to realize that my brain baggage had me view most things in the 'glass half empty' mode vs. 'glass half full' mode. This program has helped me change up my attitude, thinking and approach to almost every situation I face. When I feel my thinking trying to go south, I ask my HP to help me 'go north'. It's truly been a gift to look at teach scenario and find what is right with it and what did I learn vs. what is wrong.
So happy to see you reaching for the solution and recovery. I love how you mention that it was good to see familiar faces and to be accepted with open arms. That's one of many things that amaze me about Al-Anon - we have a common bond that allows us to love each other and support each other.
You will do fine and I'm sending positive thoughts your way for both you and your AH! Keep doing what you are doing, one day at a time!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
