The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Annie posted below with the heading. Where have I gone? That has stayed with me for several days now. Because it made me look back and see how I have changed over the years in order to accommodate both husband's and son's drinking. When did I become this person who stays at home most of the time. Not that it is not a nice home but... I used to love to go shopping or dining with friends. I used to donate time to organizations and to help friends.
When did I become this fearful, doubtful person? When I was teaching the kids liked me because I really worked to make learning fun. I took on challenges and saw them through. I even embraced change. I was a happy, independent woman. Just wondering where she went and if I can get her back.
Now I find that, when I am away from home, I am always thinking that I should get back quickly so I can stop whatever is going on. Is that not pathetic! But the truth is that ,when I am there, my husband does not drink and does not sink into brooding about his past. Well.... the brooding a little still. So I have dropped a lot of activities and curtail my social times out severely .
And I still feel I have to be here just in case son gets in a real bind and needs me. That has happened so often in the last thirty years so I have to BE there just in case.
Thank God for al anon because for many years I walked this walk alone not wanting to confide in family or friends for fear it would be disrespectful to my guys.
Still working on the detaching for sure but I now know that I can and it is alright to do so.
Deacon Great awareness and acceptance. I too abandoned myself to "Keep the peace and everyone in line " There is hope and I am so happy you are here and sharing
That lovely courageous person is still alive and well just waiting patiently to be accessed once again.
Alanon tools will help you let go of the negative tools that you have surrounded" her" with and you will be "free"to embrace the joyful life loving person that you are
I too applaud your courage to see where you are and share it with us.
I heard a question asked - can you get back to how you viewed yourself. The answer is YES and Al-Anon is all about how you put yourself first to recover from the affects of living with and loving those with the disease of alcoholism.
One day at a time working the steps and relying on HP and program friends got me from the hole I felt I lived in to where I am now. I too became a recluse as it was easier to manage if I was present. Well - I've figured out now that they are going to do what they are gonna do and I need to live my life for me.
Keep coming back and know we are just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Deacon, this sounds like the way I have felt. For me, it was in part that I never knew how home would be when I left my daughter at home with my AH, and in part it was related to my feeling so full of self-doubt and misery that I didn't feel like I belonged out in the world, somehow. I know it's depression and working on detaching, understanding what I can take care of and what I can't, is helping. I know the feeling that "the person I used to be" is gone -- but I know "she" isn't -- she's part of me. That strong person is partly how I've managed to live with an AH for so long.
Deacon, I applaud your insights into your life. I always ask the new people what their favorite things on their pizza is, and what their favorite ice cream is, because this disease makes you keep the peace ALL the time and settle for less than what you want. I know I wanted on my pizza whatever would avoid the fight. You are not a new person but you have still lost your way into the darkness of the disease. Remember all the pieces and parts of this AlAnon program and use it all the time. It will save you and you will find the real you (the happy you) inside. What you have now sounds like depression.
Wow! I could've written this. I totally understand how you feel, and all I can say is we have to find ourselves again!! At all cost, we must start taking care of ourselves! Thank you for your share and good luck getting "you" back, because I have a feeling "you" are pretty awesome!
If I spend the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop, I'll never move from this spot. Such a great awareness - thank you for this post! I'm going to trust HP to handle the shoe if indeed it does drop! ;)
One thing is for sure. You'll never find yourself if you aren't looking. And you're looking and aware so I have a lot of confidence that you will find what you are looking for.
Al-anon reminds me constantly that what I may have accepted in the past does not preclude me from making different choices for what I will accept in my future. It keeps my eyes open and reminds me to look at things differently.
Thanks for sharing.
