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My ah has been acting mad at the world lately. He was sober this time two months when in the last two weeks I found out he was drinking again. After another weird fight my ah tells me the reason he has slipped twice in the last two weeks is because he knows GOD is disappointed in him bc he missed his opportunity to be a minister with the big wigs... U know Kenneth Copland and some other guy when he was volunteering with this minister who took his and a bunch of other people's money. I told him I understand but unless he forgives himself and stops drinking we had no future. This disease is so weird I mean even when they have no stressors out comes something there is no way to help. How do I deal with this? I told him lets just pay off bills and just see after that. I am tired of listening to him complain about everything and then when there is nothing left to focus on he goes into GOD never forgiving him bc he can't do what he was called to do. He said he just want to die but he can't because he will go to hell. Shouldn't I just say enough? Why can't I say enough of this? How do I if that is what I need to do?
Help Angel, I'm so sorry to read of this new difficulty that is plaguing your marriage.
First , I would recommend that your husband discuss his spiritual life with his, sponsor a minister or priest. His concerns are valid and they should be able to offer him tools that will help him to live life on life's terms.knowing that HP is a loving God who wants only the best for him. Second, I would suggest that you increase your Al-Anon meetings, work the Steps with a sponsor, makeg daily asset and gratitude lists, pray and trust the process.
When you are ready to make a decision all these tools will help you to go in the right direction.
Only you can answer those questions. Sounds like you just aren't ready to say "enough" yet. That's okay though. Keep with alanon and you will find the words. He sounds very sick. I hear some of it making you sick in terms of the belief that somehow you are "supposed to help" him. You can't help an alcoholic who is still in the grips of the disease. You also sound angry at yourself. Please forgive yourself because this isn't your fault and you will figure out your next steps with support from alanon if you seek out and accept the help for yourself.
Hi Helpangle..
I don't have any words of wisdom. All I can do is identify with how off the wall and self centred they can be sometimes. I know sometimes I just want to scream...Stop whinning... Take some responsibility and DO SOMETHING to help yourself already!
As we speak my AP is pouting in our bedroom drownding his sorrows with chocolate bar after chocolate bar. Oh... And while I was out he punched a big hole in our living room wall. I don't even know what the problem is.....
Your right I am mad at myself. My parents told me he was crazy and help me get him out twice now they r done helping me with this and I feel like I am such a fool. I just want to be happy.. I wanted this marriage to work.. I wanted my daughter to have us but I am just delusioned and I know it. The blinds have come down and I know I have to start preparing for what to do and I just hate it. It is my second marriage and I just thought he was my hero when the first marriage and divorce was really bad. I am so mad at myself for marry someone who was worse then the first, I am tired of pretending it will be ok when I know now that it will never be. I have lost my hope and don't know how best to end this. We work together too and I don't know what to do with that too. Any guidance.. I'm listening.. Last time we separated our bosses got really upset with him and I don't want our company to have to deal with it too they are have been so great with him going to recovery. I am mad, really mad actually thank u for pointing it out. :) I wasn't aware of it til it was mentioned.
Firstly - you, you, and you. Take care of you as all have said. I'm sorry for your pain and difficulty.
Secondly, sorry, but it sounds like an excuse to me. Might as well be saying his shoes are too tight. The reason I say this is because one of the foundations of Christianity is that God is a forgiving God. So if he believes in that, then forgiveness should follow. I'm only offering that as a demonstration that this is the disease talking. Don't listen to the disease. Listen to yourself. Take care of yourself. I agree with hotrod that you might gently guide him to counseling within the clergy to help him with this issue, but it's his issue, not yours. Detach with love. (((hugs))).
I'm hearing from your posts what a lot of us have going on - a lot of caretaking. You want to take care of your A, also the people at work, and you're feeling guilty about your parents. The truth is that it's the alcoholism that is disrupting anyone's life who's being disrupted - it's not you. You don't have responsibiity for the alcoholism. It sweeps everyone around it into insanity and chaos. Now you are plotting how to climb out of the chaos, and of course it's painful and complicated. And guilt and strong emotions often keep us stuck. I've found it's just as hard to detach when I feel anger as when I feel caring. Both of them are so strongly focused on the other person and our relationship.
One thing that kept me going is thinking, "Don't I wish I'd followed through on my determination to leave three years ago? I'd be feeling great and calm and fancy-free by now! What am I going to wish for this moment in three years?"
Also, support, support, support. Do you have a group and a sponsor? We all need as much support for this tough stuff as we can get. Take good care of yourself.
