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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> ready to date???
Post Info TOPIC: ready to date???
texasgal


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ready to date???
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I've met a man. We have had a good time talking at dinners. It's been nice. He seems nice. I've only had dinner a couple of times with him. My radar is up and I feel like I'm on guard all the time. I'm always looking for red flags when we text or talk. I want to date but I don't know if I'm ready. I feel like maybe I should take it slow and maybe go on a date with him once a week. I'm afraid to get hurt again. I do not want to be vulnerable again. I just want to care for myself and not put myself in a situation where I fall in love with him too quickly and then something bad happens. I need to get to know him more and I don't want to be needy on his attention either. Dating after everything I've been through is a lot different . When I met my exAh I was completely smitten by him and ignored the warning signs and spent years with him when I should have left earlier. I don't want it to be like that again. I would like to be in an adult relationship and make rash decisions. For now Im going to take it slow and see what happens. I know I can be ok alone but a part of me does want a relationship someday. Thank you for letting me share.

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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Texasgal I believe taking it slow and dating once a week is a wise idea. Keep on using your program tools , remember that the courage, and wisdom of the program are powerful tools that will enable you to have fun , enjoy and still keep boundaries. I know it worked well for me.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
likemyheart


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I've been hurt, I want to take things slow and get to know you, I will go have dinner with you but I'll pay my own way, (so I don't feel obligated), if you don't want to be my friend first, then I don't think I will want you in my life. that's sort of my take on dating at this stage in my life. I don't want to hurt that way ever again!

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

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I like all that LMH. I am nowhere near ready but i like
that approach. I really do not want a sexual relationship
Untill we get to know each other real well.

I was single till i was 28 so i have walked a lot of these
Paths and minefields before. I have nothing to prove to
Anyone but to take care of me. Now that is something
New and exciting :)

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Debb


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Texasgal, thank you for sharing!  I agree with your plan because

you are doing what feels right for you!  {{HUGS}}



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 "Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie
SerenityRUS


~*Service Worker*~

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Slow slow and slow is the way to go. My XAH married a woman he had been dating for 6 months and she has had some serious rude awakenings over the last couple of weeks. I will post more about that because it's just crazy. I think most people can keep crazy at bay for a short time where it is important to watch and let someone show you who they are is just let time take time. If there are red flags they will leak out vs jumping in and finding out that the water is not so clear after all.

Hugs S :)

PS - I am NO WHERE close to being ready.  Honestly, I'm still trying to get a handle on me. 



-- Edited by SerenityRUS on Saturday 11th of July 2015 12:37:18 PM

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Jerry F


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It was shocking to me at all the negativity I was carrying around with me into each new relationship I got into just like what I drug into my relationship with the alcoholic/addict.  I dated and got the same consequences I got when I dated the alcoholic/addict and she wasn't around then to blame.  Best dates I had after that time were face to face meetings in Al-Anon until I got altered for the better.    Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile



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Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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Wanting a relationship is a great goal! I am still with my A, so can't even speak to the future as I gotta stay in the day....but - I have said out-loud to anybody who asks that I will never marry again. I also won't live with another again. I'm at a stage in my life that when this relationship ends, I want to live, love and manage just me.....for a long, long while.

I love what you wrote in your post - it's almost as if you were thinking out-loud and the plan sounds very solid. I spent time today with a newbie in the program and it brought back so many memories of wanting peace, closure, resolutions, etc. FAST vs. in God's time. You will know deep down when the time is right and when you are right with the potential person.

(((Hugs))) to you - thanks for the share!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
tiredtonite


Veteran Member

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Your level of comfort is important. If you want to see someone once a week then that's what's right for you. So many of us secondguessed ourselves and did what others wanted us to do rather than what felt right to us in our gut. To thine own self be true. Hope you have "in the moment" fun as you get to know him more. (((hugs)) TT

 



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
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