The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wentered to my 1st and last Al anon meeting 5yrs ago. My partner is an A who is now sober although displays some signs of DD. I am so angry that I think I am going a bit nuts. So after finally reading Melody Beatties excellent Co dependent No More and realising I need and want some support and help I have decided to go back to alnon. Scared big time as last time I went a person broke my anonymity by telling a relative of theirs who knew me. Was then approached in work setting by this person. So my question is what do you do if someone does this? I was just so new that I basically didn't go again and ran away. I want to be more prepared this time as despite therapy which is actually slow but going well I just would welcome feeling less isolated and ashamed. Suggestions?
Welcome to MIP Many of us, have felt unsure at Al-Anon meetings, left, and failed to return. You're not alone.
As you are discovering, alcoholism affects the entire family and we all deserve and need a program of recovery. I am sorry that you encountered difficulty at your first Al-Anon meeting and that someone broke your anonymity. The principles of Al-Anon and traditions are not enforceable, but each member agrees to abide by them. Living with the disease of alcoholism we all develop negative coping tools and some find it difficult to live up to the principles of the program.
I have always said that I first learned to use Al-Anon tools while interacting with Al-Anon members. If somebody approached me from the meeting at my place of business , it would be acceptable to remind them of the Al-Anon principle of anonymity and to draw boundaries stating that you expect your anonymity to be honored and walk away.
It is also important to note that sponsors are an important tool of recovery. It is with the sponsor or other Al-Anon trusted friends that I learned to share my inner fears and feelings. Meetings were to share my experience, strength and hope in using Al-Anon tools that works for me.
I urge you to search out meetings and pick up the new tools that will rebuild your self-esteem and helped break the isolation
Welcome to MIP - glad you found us and glad you are here!
I echo everything Betty says. The program and meetings and all that it includes saved my sanity and gave me back a life better than before this disease.
The person who broke your anonymity may not even be there any longer. I believe this happens on occasion by accident and then there are those who live for drama and just don't follow the rules. While it can be uncomfortable, embarrassing and even shameful, it is a risk I was willing to take to learn a different way of life. My hope is you won't let this fear and the actions of one keep you from trying the program again.
Keep coming back and let us know how it goes!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I'm sorry that happened to you and that it caused you discomfort. I live in the same town that I grew up in, so I have seen a couple people at meetings that start my inner gossip mill spinning, but I would never expose anyone. It actually makes me feel more normal. That being said, before I ever went to a meeting I decided that I didn't care who saw me there or whom they might tell. I've put myself through the wringer for so long that I can truly say I'm proud of myself for finally facing facts and starting to turn my focus toward myself. I'm proud to be counted among so many selfless and well-meaning people that are trying to better themselves and each other. It makes me a more kind person and a better person to be around. I know that everyone has different reasons for wanting their anonymity, but I do take a comfort in being able to not worry about who might know I attend meetings. Of all the groups that I've associated with over the years, this is the only one that, if they had a uniform, I wear it. Matter of fact, I move that we should all wear fez's. That way we could recognize each other in crowds.
I love your sign on...it is evidence of humor and we need all of that we can get in program. Fear is the center most emotional character defect of alcoholism...we come in afraid of everything until we find out we are not alone with it. What did I do? Learning how to be sane and serene was so important to me that I committed to coming back regardless of some of the horror stories I heard others share in the rooms that made them quiver and run. The only other consequence for me at that time was suicide and then even that became less important at the time. I asked myself what I would do if I became a victim of a break in principle and the answer became "keep coming back" and I have and I'm grateful that recovery was as important as it was for me then. So...Beanzandsausages keep coming back...take what you like....leave the rest. ((((hugs))))
