Wednesdays are LONG days. 8 hrs at one job, 4 hrs at another, CSA pick-up at a farm an hour away from work, and my usual commute.

AW called while I was at the second job several times. I saw the string of missed calls when I got to the car, and thought something was wrong. (After four years at this business in one capacity or another, she knows that I cannot have my cell out while at work, and I have to set it to silent and leave it in the main office. She also knows the business phone number in case of emergencies.) Nothing was wrong. She wanted to tell me the internet was back up. Ok. 

Talked with my sister most of the way to the farm and then home. She is going through a rough patch, and I made good use of the AlAnon tools in that conversation. (And again today with the rest of my family, who is getting stressed about a situation that they cannot control or change. I am stressed as well, and concerned about my sister's safety if she goes back home, but I can only voice that to her, encourage her not to go back for her things alone, and trust that HP will take care of her.) 

Got home and was generally annoyed with AW. She just seemed like she wasn't paying attention to what was happening, and her responses were odd. Then, she "fell asleep" and my suspicions started. I caught myself analyzing her behavior for any indication that she was drinking again after being sober for two weeks, realized I was doing it, and stopped myself. If she seems off, I can just assume that she has been drinking. I don't need proof, and I don't need to agonize over it, and I don't need to make her drinking the center of my night. I am still thinking about the reacting vs. responding distinction, and doing my best to stay on the responding side of things. 

So, I thought about what was going on and identified what was really unacceptable about my night. It basically boils down to being lied to (again, shocker), being told that the dogs had been out when they CLEARLY had not been out, and being left to deal with settling the dogs, closing up the house, and putting away 2 boxes of farm goodies on my own. And that is fine, I am more than capable of taking care of these things alone, and I do not need help with them, but the thing is, it upsets me that I have another "adult" here who does not work while I work two jobs, and on my longest day of taking care of things outside the house, she makes things more difficult and time consuming than they need to be when I finally get home. 

This morning, she is acting normal and as if nothing was odd about last night. And, maybe she was just tired. Or who knows what else. Anyway, I am glad that, thanks to the program, I didn't let what she was doing lead me into a sleepless night or pointless discussion about whether she had or had not been drinking. Her sobriety is between her and her HP, and I am going to stay out of it. 

I am so thankful to my program and its tools that I was able to cope with these situations in a positive way and carry on with my life. Which, today, involved a carbon monoxide detector, some metal ribbon, a bathroom fan assembly modification, and a working bathroom fan in the condo I rent out for the low cost of $58 (instead of the $800 that was quoted to me by the association).