The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At times, I am 'stuck' in a moment of doing the next right thing. There are situations that 'normal folks' face that the logical response is accurate and appropriate. However, my experience is that when we are dealing with this disease, the 'normal' can become a catalyst for chaos.
Long story short, my son asked for my help in watching my grandson last evening. When I arrived, my son was upset as his future B-I-L has moved in and is not cleaning up after himself, and .......
But, what had him most upset is that the baby (my grandson) had found a pill on the floor and brought it to my A Son. He was fuming because of the danger to the babe.
I was upset, and shortly after I arrived, the future B-I-L arrived home, and I told him that a pill had been found on the floor, and I was concerned because of the baby...
He said it was not his.
He then called my son and denied it.
He then called his sister and denied it. (she didn't know what was going on ... was working)!
My son called me and asked me to not involve myself in these things (he did it with grace and dignity).
I apologized to my son.
I then watched the future B-I-L come back to the kitchen and remove the pill.
*sigh* - I detached.....quietly.....with indifference.
So - in a normal home or family, if a babe found a pill on the floor, it would probably be an aspirin/pain reliever item...maybe allergies....who knows.
However, everyone would probably agree that is not safe and all would be on watch for their belongings, etc.
But - in the alcoholic situation, a simple matter becomes a cluster-xxxx...
I talked with my sponsor this morning as I felt I had over-stepped my hula-hoop. She suggested that as the Grand-ma, I had and have a right to speak on behalf of the baby out of love and concern. So, I examined my motives, and they were pure.
Just sharing how life's situations still at times can make me uneasy/baffle me....
What would you do?
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Iamhere I do understand this type dilemma. I also agree with your sponsor that you being the grandmother, you do have a responsibility to the safety of your grandchild.
Over the years of living with this disease, I have learned to truly stay in my own hula hoop and if I am upset over something to verbalize it using "I "statements.
For example the issue with the pill, II might have said; "Hi BIL, baby so-and-so found a small white pill on the living room floor and was smart enough to bring it to his dad. I was so worried over the incident that I searched high and low to find out where it may have come from but was not successful. Do you have any idea what may have happened ?
I believe that this opens the door to a discussion without accusing anybody.
Thanks Betty - I see what you suggest vs. what I said.....It's all in the wording and making it mine or not speaking up until I can. I kind of threw my boy 'under the bus'.....
When I know better - I do better - sometimes!! LOL....
Make it a great day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
