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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Lurked for a bit and then took the plunge.
Post Info TOPIC: Lurked for a bit and then took the plunge.
KrissySmith


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Lurked for a bit and then took the plunge.
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Seventeen years ago I was attending family week at my then newly wedded husband's rehab facility after he was arrested for dealing drugs. I met a woman in her early forties, whose husband had held a high profile job in their small town before he made headlines for a drunk driving accident. She said it was his second time in rehab.  He had humiliated herself, her kids and completely ruined their lives. She did not want to be at family week.  In fact, she wanted a divorce and she never wanted to see him again.  She spent the entire week arguing with everyone in our meetings and nothing at all could be said to change the hatred and anger she felt.  I remember very well how much I thought this was the most awful, hateful person I had ever met and how I couldn't believe that she couldn't find it in her heart to give him another chance after so many years of marriage.

Flash forward to today:  I am her.

Besides a few minor details, I am exactly like her.  At the age of 43, my husband of almost eighteen years, began using meth and selling drugs...again.  He ended up selling weed to law enforcement.  Our home was raided, even youth I had kicked him out months before.  His horrific looking, meth ravaged mug was plastered on Facebook, the front page of the paper and every news channel in the state, with the Mayor proclaiming that he will not allow poison to be spread through our community-especially at the hands of city employees. 

He he checked himself into rehab and left 5 days later. He went back. He was kicked out 14 days later. He's currently back in town and proceeded to use again within 24 hours of his return home.  Of course he promised myself and the kids lots and lots of really big and awesome things.  My kids hate me for making him leave again. My son begged, pleaded, screamed, cried until he puked to "please just give him one last chance".

Point is, I've been around this block before and I know what I need to do whether our marriage stays together or it doesn't, but man...am I ever angry.  I can't convince myself to let go of the bitterness yet. 

So, that's where I am and also I'm here, which is a good place to be.  I'm looking forward to being part of this community!

Krissy



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mjferg


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I am so sorry,I understand completely.By the time I made it here I had been through an abusive alcoholic father,alcoholic grandmother, and an alcoholic great grandfather,and mom used Valium.Two divorces, Lots of sickness in my family.Then I had to let go of the A in my life,who I was watching slowly kill himself with alcohol and drugs, I wasn't angry,I was seething.I had turned the anger on myself and I was suicidal.Thank God for this program.I am recovering and today I am able to feel joy.I am glad you are here.

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Mary
hotrod


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Welcome Krissy I can readily identify . Children do not understand and it is a difficult road that we who share our lives with an alcoholic must walk.
Alcoholism is a dreadful, chronic, progressive disease, that affects the entire family. It can be arrested and never cured. You took the right action to protect your family and yourself and I urge you to keep coming back.
There are face to face alanon meetings in most communities as well as alateeen meetings for teens
You are not alone and there is help



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Iamhere


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Krissy -

Welcome to MIP.....Like Mary above me, I have a huge family full of drunks/druggies. Both my G-Pas were alcoholics, my mother is an active one, I became one (my criminal career included drug charges)....I went to rehab and for a reason I can't always say got sober and stayed sober almost 28 years ago.

I married another in recovery, with more time than I had (I had 6 years). 2 years into my wonderful life, he relapsed and is still active. We have 2 boys; they are both A's...

So - I feel your pain and when my husband relapsed and our lives began to unravel, I too was beyond pissed. He relapsed while I was pregnant with our second child, the boys are now 23 and 21.

I did not find Al-Anon - instead I just got sicker and sicker and sicker. Oh - I also got madder and madder and madder. We truly were living separate lives in the same home as I did not want to leave and have him driving/supervising our boys. Well....when they both began to experiment and graduating to full-blown addicts/alcoholics before ending HS, I too thought I was a complete failure and wanted to die.

My anger turned completely inward, and I felt as if I caused the whole freakin' mess.....Finally, my sponsor who is AA, Al-Anon & a counselor suggested I go to Al-Anon. That made me angry all over again as I had all this time in recovery and .....

So - I arrived here one night and then went to F2F meetings too. That was a bit more than 5 years ago. Life has been crazy since but I stopped coming here and focused on F2F meetings (for both programs). One of my sons got sober and stayed sober for 4.75 years - then relapsed a few months ago. My A husband has had 2 heart attacks, 3 stents & triple by-pass surgery. My other son is still actively using.

When I work THIS program and keep the focus on me, I can be at peace and serene. When I start looking at them, their choices, etc. I can quickly go south - either in anger or in depression. When I think about one day at a time, and the present moment, I am OK. When I consider the past, the what could have, should have been - I go south. When I consider the future - same result.

So - I get the anger and my hope is that yours fades a bit faster than mine did! You seem in a much stronger space than I was when I got here - and my gut tells me that's a good thing!!!

Just wanted to share a bit so you would know you are not alone! This disease is cunning, baffling, powerful and progressive. It is alluring and exciting and beyond habit-forming for those of us with the addictive mentality. It's hard to see your kids hurt - I know - but joining this program and working to find peace in you will be the best gift you can give to your kids.

So glad you are her and keep posting - we're a friendly community and will assist any way we can!

(((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Enigmatic


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Krissy, welcome to MIP...As I read your about your experience it reminds me of so many of the feelings I struggled with before I found AlAnon. While some of the details vary, the internal turmoil and impossibly conflicted choices I faced are all too familiar.

Attending meetings and reading AlAnon principles daily brought me a peace and healthier perspective than I thought possible in such a soul crushing situation. It helped me make much better choices when faced with difficult decisions, and delivered a taste of a serenity I had lost sight of long ago.

So glad you had the courage to reach out to AlAnon and share your story, you came to a very good place...Hang in there, keep coming back; I hope you find the kind of guidance that has helped me and so many others find strength, hope, and a measure of serenity...

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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 
Mark17


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My experience is relatively tame... I'm fortunate to come from a good family (AFAIK),
grew up in a nice town, little trauma of any sort... and my first encounter with serious
addiction was my recent XAW. Even the marriage was brief: less than three years.

Nevertheless, I think there are some emotions and experiences that are common to
all of us or a large subset so thanks for joining in Krissy. Share whenever you get
the urge to: lots of caring people are here to listen.

Mark

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