The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about Step Five -- for the writer, how difficult to was to admit God, self and others the exact nature of his/her wrongs. The writer talks of a sense of shame about admitting the defects that turned up when they took their inventory. I was so fortunate in that I knew early on I had people (especially sponsor) who would listen and guide me through this step. What was helpful for me was--once I had taken step five and had been discussing the my personal defects, my sponsor suggested looking at the flip side of each. For example, the idea that personal defects are also what we are using when in survival mode; my sponsor suggested at looking at what asset might be there now that survival mode is no longer necessary. (A big one for me--sarcasm-when in survival mode I used sarcasm to bitingly say whatever I was having difficulty expressing; now--the program has taught me to mean what I say, say what I mean and not say it mean, so from the defect of sarcasm to the asset of humor). It helped me a lot to look at what positive was there next to the negative I USED to use in my life pre-program.
For me step five was freeing because not only was I acknowledging negative defects, I was getting ready to let go of them because they were non necessary anymore in a life a lot more serene than the one I had been living.
I so want to get through this step and thank you for providing this information. I am honestly trying, but fining ff meetings here is proving next to impossible. I want to go and I want a sponsor so very very much. I need a sponsor! There are just so very few people...I can't seem to find anyone at all...despite my efforts.
I am going to call the wife of my AH's sponsor today for suggestions. She and he own and operate many DUI schools, half-way houses, and other alcohol related facilities and they do it for what aa ha done for them. It is rather amazing. Anyway, I don't want to use an online sponson because trust is an issue already and I don't trust cyber space for "real" friends....I've been there before.
I do honestly love MIP and get so much from the shares and ESH. This is my main source of honest information at this point...except for literature.
Step 5 definitely was an eye opener. By working step 5 I learned that I was much to fearful and anxious. Fear caused me to lose myself, so basically I learned why and re-gained the real me, what a gift!!
-- Edited by Debb on Tuesday 16th of June 2015 06:13:20 AM
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Step 5 for me was also a 'freedom' step in that once I finished, I felt less burden and more peace, almost at once.
I too had trust issues and wasn't sure I wanted to tell my well-hidden acts/thoughts/deeds to another, but was able to do so with the assistance of my sponsor, HP and the promise of a new personal growth that would lead me to serenity.
If you are living in an area where there is not a ton of active Alanon, you most certainly can work the Steps with the help of this forum and then do the 5th Step with a therapist, a minister/priest/clergy/other. Just a thought - I have gone through the steps multiple times, and the last 5th Step I did with a religious leader. While I have believed in a HP for a long while, and while I worked the program to the best of my ability, I determined that one of my biggest resentments was against the God of my family of origin.
My sponsor suggested I do this to perhaps gain insight into how to forgive and move beyond this resentment/character defect. It was life-changing for my spiritual growth and the religious leader did not judge me and was very understanding and supportive.
Thanks for starting this thread yanksfan51! What a great way to start the day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
