The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband detoxed last week - last drink was Monday. Tuesday and Wednesday he was at home feeling sick and Thursday he was so bad that I finally took him to the ER (he felt so bad that he didn't agrue with me). He was admitted for two nights and let me say thank god for Adavin as his symptoms went away pretty fast. I am hoping the hospital stay was a wake up call but I have to keep remembering that I have no control over this awful disease. My question is, how does outpatient therapy work and can it work to keep them sober. He was very quick to refuse inpatient therapy as he just started a new job that he really likes and does not want to lose it. He is going to AA meetings but I think that it will not be enough.
All I have been doing the last few days is taking deep breaths and trying not to obsess over this situation but I have to say I am emotionally drained at what has transpired the last few days. Here I was thinking he was sober going to meetings only to find out he never really quit until last Tuesday when he was visably shaking and throwing up. I know they have to detox before they can get better....just hoping he can stay that way. Trying to keep my focus on myself and the kids.
So sorry about your emotionally drained state - the powerlessness of this disease is overwhelming at times...
There is no magic pill or potion in either therapy to keep one sober. The person has to work the program to the best of their ability.
I am glad to hear you trying to keep the focus on you and your kids. Do your best to work on you and be gentle to you. F2F meetings and/or online meetings here may help you work to get through your pain and stress.
(((Hugs))) - we are here for you - keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Success is completely dependent upon him, whether IOP or inpatient. There are people who have successfully quite with no professional help, just AA, but it all depends on how badly he wants to quite and get back to dealing with life on life's terms.
IOP for my wife has generally been once-a-day meetings for a few weeks. It helped much more the third time, when she had a better attitude. Has first IOP we were both in complete denial about her alcoholism. Second one, she only made part way through. Third was the charm, but it wasn't because it was third, it was because she was tired of being dropped out of life and wanted to get back in the game.
AA could be "enough" if he put his everything into it. Aside from that, outpatient therapy would not be a bad idea. Bottom line, the treatment, AA, or whatever is not going to keep him sober. HE will keep himself sober using those things.
Hopefully he will find a sponsor in AA shortly and you can let that person guide your husband on his recovery. That's is what sponsors do and it's not your job to be his sponsor. At that point, you can more easily focus on you and your recovery more.
I very much agree with Kenny based on my experience. I believe that if he works hard
enough at it then he can do it.
I worry a bit about that "I don't want to go inpatient because I just started this job" mentality.
For my XAW, the disease took her over completely. She lost her job in early 2013 and was
completely incapacitated for several months. Everyone is different... I think she was weak
and didn't work nearly as hard as she should have but it wasn't for me to push her... I stayed
hands-off from her [failed] recovery and I think I did the right thing in being that way.
I just hope in the midst of his work at the new job he doesn't let another drink seep in here
or there... and then a major episode occurs, however that might materialize in your family, etc.
Please keep us posted on what happens! I really hope things work out for the best.
Aloha Jazzie and great post on how you're working it. Your alcoholic is dry and not sober. The sober alcoholics I know do whatever is necessary to get and stay sober including surrendering to the program. AA is considered outpatient program and the model is social model recovery which means one sober alcoholic(s) helping another alcoholic(s) to get and stay sober by duplicating successes, working the steps, traditions, concepts as we are shown and then passing that on to others wanting the same thing. Al-Anon is exactly that way for me also...I am carrying the serenity of others who came before me and shared their journey with me as I wanted it more than anything else. Your alcoholic has got a desire...not to loose a job which isn't as strong as desiring not to loose his life. Considering how sick he got and the visit to inpatient in the hospital I can only pray that event will be or is his strongest motivation to get and stay sober. A success at his new job will be cause to celebrate. Will he do that at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous or do it with a drink. This disease is cunning, powerful and baffling. It demands our participation even as proof shows us we must not.
Hold on to your program sister. It is the most valuable tool you have. (((((hugs)))))
