Ms. M, one of my sponsers is gay and I just attended her lovely wedding a few months ago. There were 2 brides. When I first met her seven years ago she had just broken up with a long-term female partner, and was devastated. One day at a time one step at a time,she was able to let go of her grief, sadness and loss and become willing to embrace Love, once again.

In listening to the relationship issues, I felt that they did not sound any different than a heterosexual relationship and when she began the dating process I could identify with her feelings, fears and anxieties and witness the program work miracles in her life.

I'm so glad to be part of this spiritual fellowship, one in which outside issues have no importance.

Hello I just wanted to say that I have never felt I was treated differently in Alanon or in AA either.

In the early days I was always put in touch with other single gays but I prefer to be one of a whole community and these days nobody talks about it enough to make it stand out as different. When we are allowed to be ourselves by others, that's genuine freedom, but constantly bringing up the subject of someone's sexuality is not going to make a relaxed atmosphere.

when we meet someone in the fellowship all we need to know is that they have a relative friend or someone who has suffered through alcoholism, then it's a spiritual journey and best not confused in the first instance by new relationships of any kind.

the days of " I'm the only gay in the village" have gone and we're just one of the crowd, thank God.

 

Sorry, I wasn't done. You know the thing about relationships and proving yourself, this happened to me. 12 years ago it was difficult in this city to be gay and also proving we were a legitimate couple worthy of the same status as heterosexual couples. That piece was definitely there. It was new to me, and the first serious relationship I had with a woman. So yes, I was trying to prove myself as I saw all these red flags in our relationship privately that before would have had me cut and run. Particularly the controlling my then girlfriend would put on me. Oh, the fights we had over that at the beginning! There were things I would not have put up with in my relationships with a man that I did with her because we were surviving as a gay couple...equal rights, blah, blah, blah. Don't get me wrong- all for those rights...I think for my relationship it clouded my judgment. I thought, for someone in her 30's the partying scene would be over by now- she went to college- this seems so immature. Not recognizing the drinking problems as they were. Shoot! We were fighting to survive as a gay couple! My self awareness and 20/20 hindsight now sees it for what it was. And sometimes I say, I wasted all those years. The love is not really there anymore. It's a lot of hurt and we just exist in this space. Definitely not what I thought would happen at the beginning. I guess without this relationship and me coming to a self-awareness of my sickness, I would not be recovering and getting the treatment I need. I have to have a 2x4 hit me before I wake up and realize what the situation really is. This is not true for all gay couples. I am great friends with lovely couples who truly love and care for their partner. We have been together for so long because we both struggle with leaving a relationship. I am not in that part of the recovery where I can end it. But I'm sure it will happen. Also part of it still is the proving ourselves and saving face because to some, we've been the example of what a good couple, gay or straight, should look like. If only they knew what was said behind closed doors. We've kept up the facade for years. It's getting more difficult now.