The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How can I best help the alcoholic? By not interfering when he gets into difficulties. I must detach myself from his shortcoming, neither making up for them nor criticizing them. Let me learn to play my own role, and leave his to him. If he fails in it, the failure is not mine, no matter what others may think or say about it. One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, pg.29).
Just love this acronym and was my first and best skill that I learned in Al-Anon!!
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thanks Debbie Detachment is a great alanon tool and the acronym really spells out- "how it works. " Detachment does take practice and for me substituting those compulsive thoughts with slogans worked best. Progress not perfection is always my goal
I am thankful you posted this today....it's exactly what I needed to see/hear.
Both of my A sons are in icky places and I'm working hard to not be sucked back in.
There is this perpetual tug at my heart to 'rescue' even when I know in my brain that prolongs maturity, consequences, etc.
Grateful for you all, MIP and Alanon this morning...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great post Debb! Detachment can be difficult at times. It's counter-intuitive to OUR nature. I guess that's why it's hard. It'a part of OUR sickness to care for and rescue folks. My Sponsor reminds me of his story with his Sponsor; "Do you realize every time you help her(daugther), she gets woarse?" Nice to have someone that has walked the path I now am walking.
One of the best tools I learned was to detach with love. For me it was all about peeling my own identity away from the drinker and rediscovering me, who I am , what I want, what I think. Learning I was entitled to a good life with joy in it regardless of others and what they were doing. Amazing, amazing discovery for me. Who knew? This was the tool that let me end my obsession with the drinkers in my life. Thanks Debb, great post.x
Thanks Debb, I really needed that reinforcement today. It has been a week of letting the consequences fall and it is really hard to do sometimes. Last night culminated in letting him remain passed out on the back steps for all neighbors to see (we have no fences in our little community). I just went to bed and prayed myself to sleep. I guess this is the tough love you hear about but it feels more like every man for himself, which sounds very unloving.
Sigh....
Beth
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
Thanks Debb. The best thing for me as I learn to do this is I realized immediately that for that moment, or in that instance, even though I am just starting to learn, my burden was instantaneously cut by more than half. Before I detached, I was carrying the burden of both my disease and hers. As I began to learn how to do it, I would have the relief of leaving her disease behind which sent mine into remission just a tiny bit more as well. It's a great tool.
Welcome to MIP Spiritual Singer - so glad you are here!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Nice to have someone that has walked the path I now am walking.