The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for June 10 continues the discussion on the Steps. Today it reviews the Eight step, which asked that we "make a list of all persons we had harmed The reading goes on to indicate that many of us are stumped by this step because we do not believe we have ever harmed anybody, and because we were too angry to even consider some people that we at harmed. The reading suggests that rather than stop working the steps we can make a list of people we are willing to make amends to and people we are not. Then move on to step nine.
The reminder for the day is" I will not let myself be stopped from taking the eighth and ninth step because I cannot do it perfectly. I will let myself be where I am today and do what I'm able to do."
And the quote is from Confucius; it does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop."
I must admit that this was a difficult step for me because I could not see how I had harmed anybody, and felt as if I was the victim. My sponsor and I talked about what it meant to" hurt" somebody and how I could look at the harm I did abit differently if I examined my motives and my use of denial and pretend.. She suggested that I put myself the top of this list and proceed to Step nine.
The more I thought about that the more I realized I had truly hurt myself the most. It was I who made myself and my needs invisible, pretended that all was well and I was happy, denied reality and reacted in a unreasonable destructive manner when I became overwhelmed. I needed to make amends to myself for this behavior. I moved on to Step nine and the amend that I made to myself was that I would continue to practice this program and the principles one day at a time. When I did this for a year or so I could clearly see the" Harm" I had done to others and became willing to make amends
I love the Confucius quote - I truly needed to see that today.
It took me a while to grasp the harm done to others as well. My sponsor gently reminded me often that I wasn't a victim, I was a willing volunteer. I had taught others how to treat me based on my attitudes, denial and reactions to the disease.
So, I too had to move beyond my denial and protective patterns to work this step and move forward. It was certainly a slow process for me.
Make it a great day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
