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Hi I have been a member of Al-anon for many years on and off. I left my 1st husband when my son was 3 years old due to his inability to get help and stay sober. (My ex is living on the street in NYC or in the shelters) I built a life for my child and myself and we were doing well. I remarried in 2007 and there are some adjustment with the step dad but all and all it is okay.
My son has not drank at all through high school and college. He turned 21 last September and he might have gone out with his friends to a club or a party but only had at the most 2 buds and that is it each time. He never came home drunk or anything like that. Never ever a problem with drugs or alcohol with him. He just completed marvelous internships at Cablevision and Fox News. This past 6 weeks he graduated from college with honors. He went to Ireland for 2 weeks to visit his "biological dad's" family. No one has seen or been in touch with his dad since I left him when my child was 3 long story .... Anyway my son has come back now and has kind of bragged to my husband that he had drank at least 5 pints of stout every day. From the photos he showed there was a lot of drinking. Last night at home he just got up and told me he was going for a walk. He didn't come back for a while so I called his phone. He was in a bar drinking by himself. I asked him why he decided to do this and he said he was bored. He thinks it is great that beer only cost 3 euro's in Ireland. This is so unlike him.
Also my son has dysthmia (low grade form of depression) and was taking celexa 20 mg daily. He stopped taking it when he went to Ireland. He lied to me and said he was taking his medication.
I put a call in to the psychiatrist and I am waiting to hear back. However, I want to handle this the best way possible.
Also when my son was with his father's side of the family an uncle in a drunken stupor told him that he was a loser just like his father. That he need to get away from me and his stepfather out from our influence. His suggestion was to go to Austraila and pick bananas. He also told him to stop taking his medicine. (This is when I asked my son if he did stop and he said no that he was taking his medicine) . I found the pill filled when putting the luggage away.
What advice would you give me to begin the process of talking with my son. I called his psychiatrist and I think a therapist that deals with young males with substance issue might be helpful. But what else? I went to a meeting yesterday and one tonight. Sorry for rambling on.
I think that you are handling the situation very well, but you are going to reach a point with your son, because he is an adult, where you are going to have to let him make his own decisions. I would tell him of your reasons for concern and that you called his doctor and then drop it. Sounds like you are very informed about al-anon and seeking help for yourself was a very smart thing to do!! I wish you and your son the best possible outcome!! {{HUGS}}
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Chelsea welcome to the board....I suggest reading back in time on the board for similar post and seeing what was discussed then. Our experiences are what is most helpful to others. Those that worked for us may work for others. I relate to your post as part of my experience was with a son who "got turned on" by the disease as I did. Alcoholism is genetic and generational (from my experience and education) and so often the young are predisposed to the "ism". At first there is a beer here and there and after some more practice it becomes full blown alcoholism of the mind, body, spirit and emotions. My intervention came with my entry into the Al-Anon Family Groups where I learned how not to react to it all and to change my thinking and feelings about it. Whether he stops drinking or not is his decision and willingness. You can and will do what you think is best however I suggest killing your expectations about how it will come out. This disease is cunning, powerful and baffling...and fatal. Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
Hello Chelsea I can understand your concerns and urge you to continue to attend your face to face meetings They were invaluable to me when my son picked up in his 30s.
Talking to his Doctor is an excellent idea and understanding that alcoholism is a progressive, chronic disease over which Iiwas powerless also helped. Your son is an adult as Jerry F and Debb indicated. You provide information on alcoholism for him to review if he wanted and then Letting him go and trusting HP is the best solution Please keep coming back
