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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> met someone, another alcoholic!!!!!
Post Info TOPIC: met someone, another alcoholic!!!!!
glad


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met someone, another alcoholic!!!!!
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I never had the desire for the "bad boys" you guys describe. I picked the pitiful, broken sad puppies.. they needed me LOL.

One of the best things I found was when the new man in my life had his practical life in line, someone who could pick up the ball IF I dropped it- instead of me being the one who had to carry most of the load, ,someone who knew how to solve his own problems and had the resources to do so instead of someone with "great potential" ie a project for me to fix.

and he seemed to have solved his "issues" with past relationships and wasn't addicted to his mother or addicted to managing his adult kids life etc.

Just someone who was without any major struggle in his life THAT was a good beginning and the other stuff is icing on the cake.

Funny I was watching a rude dysfunctional TV show last week (Two and a Half Men) and the dad was telling the son that relationships were about some pretty meaningful stuff-not just about sex, it was supposed to be funny but it was actually a good list, some of what I remember was

shared responsibility, being open and listening and caring about the other persons life. shared interest which I have found to be hugely important now, in the past I had always tried to force the shared interest thing making a huge effort to support his hobbies rather than explore my own- it's nice just to enjoy some of the same things.  taking care of one another is also important- as opposed to codependence they do look alot alike sometimes. There was more but I forgot some of it.. anyway made me think..



-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 9th of June 2015 07:50:03 AM

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LinSC


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Really good response to LC's post. Important stuff to remember, Thanks, linsc



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karma13


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Well this isn't alanon, but I have read quite a few self help books on relationships. By the way I love the checklists. They could be mine as well. Although I don't always attract alcoholics.. My prior list is muscles check, long hair check, attitude and tough guy check...ugh you can see how this got me into trouble. Anyways I read in this book by Melanie Beatty that you actually have to pick men that you don't have that radar attraction to and vice versa if they have it to you .That you have to condition yourself to be around nice and boring guys. All that excitement is addiction. I know that excitement all too well. The highs and lows, roller coaster ride of those relationships can be so intoxicating. I'm getting too old for that though . I want the quiet life now. Nice dinners, quiet TV time with my honey ;) sounds like this new guy could be a good one;) keep us posted

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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive 
almostThere


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Not saying I'm attractive, that's in the eye of the beholder, but as a checklist, I fit that description. My point is, it is possible as we get older, that people that fit that description can, say, go into recovery, really work it, and one day be a decent catch. So, I'm not so sure I'm down with that theory. I have long hair. I ride a motorcycle, and in the winter, I wear leather because I don't want to freeze to death. I have an attitude, but I'm generally a friendly, caring person and I don't drink, or do drugs. I have a decent paying job. I have issues. I'm working on them. I might not be the one for somebody NOW, but I hope to be at some point, and a certain degree of my "bad boyness" I will retain. It's part of who I am. And thank God there's some things about me I like! I've thought about this too and always laughed that I'd have to put an add on match.com looking for someone who used to drink, used to smoke, used to do all the things I used to do, but doesn't anymore and has transitioned into the next phase of adulthood. Does recovery mean I have to start looking and acting like Ward Cleaver? Ok, fine, then she has to wear a gown everyday with pearls and heels and wake up with hair and makeup like America's Next Top Model. I'll get a cardigan and some loafers and we'll live perfectly pressed ever after! What I REALLY want to do with my partner as much as possible for the rest of my days is LAUGH. I don't care if we go out or stay in or travel or stay put, or dine out, or dine in, I just want to laugh. A lot.

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LinSC


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Ha, Ha, Ha, thats what I want to do, almostThere is Laugh, its just so much fund to laugh, feels good and is good for you....! linsc



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karma13


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I do believe that some bad boys go good ;) I should have also shared I stayed with my last bad boy. He's not perfect, no one is, but he's working on himself.. And like you ,almost there, I want to laugh and enjoy the rest of my life. Sometimes I laugh so much at my meetings I worry the speaker will take it personally(lol). If I were ever to enter the dating market again, I would do so very cautiously and slowly. I know those radar attractions have not paid off for me in the past, for me there has always been family of origin issues to be dealt with in those relationships. We vibrate at the same frequency, hence that attraction. We know at a deep level the other even on first sight., we see that pain, it feels like home. My sig other and I met at a bar, a biker party, we had that blazing love at first site attraction.. We went through hell with our addiction to the other and our family of origin issues.My sig other and I have worked at our addictions and childhood issues" for five years. Neither of us are perfect but we grew up a little. Accepting, tolerating, attempting patience...the past year and a half we have finally began to enjoy life. Thank god for my ADHD sig other whom is dry for the past two years, and amazingly pretty sane even without recovery. I probably wouldn't have found recovery without him, so I am blessed. Starting all over again though ,with my history, that could scare the sh*t out of me. I would definitely have to muster a lot of hps strength for that ;) thanks for letting me share.

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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive 
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> met someone, another alcoholic!!!!!