The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Years ago, when some friends were trying to help me they took me to dinner with a friend of theirs who was a recovering A. I've never forgotten one thing she had said and that was, "The stage where he thinks he's in control of his drinking will be right before a major fall." Well apparently that's where my AH is as he is an "adult" and it's "Friday night" and he's "not in the same place he used to be". I'm being a "hovering mother to him". I guess my greatest fear is that what we've already been through wasn't "rock bottom". Obviously it wasn't and that is terrifying. Does anyone have advice for when your AH feels like he/she is all of the sudden in control?
I guess what you are asking is for a way to not feel disappointed when this happens? There's no way to prevent it, and there's really no way to guage where someone's personal bottom is, or even if they have one.
I understand your frustration and fear, but all I can suggest is that true serenity and happiness comes when we let go of needing anyone to behave a certain way. He may go through this same cycle for the rest of his life, or, he might find recovery...there's just no way for you to know what he will do so any expectation is really just expectation, or "an opportunity for future resentment".
Attending al-anon meetings, finding support for yourself and placing your own wellbeing and happiness first and foremost are really the only effective measures that I am aware of that you can take.
It's no fun living at the whim of someone else's insanity that's for sure.
Hugs to you!!
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Alcoholism is indeed a terrifying disease. It is chronic, and progressive, and can be arrested and never cured. We who live with the disease are powerless over it and must seek help for ourselves in order to deal with the anxiety, fear and insanity.
I found increasing my meetings, making Al-Anon phone calls, keeping the focus on myself, living one day at a time, helped me tremendously. While walking with a partner in denial. The Steps, the Serenity Prayer, the breaking the isolation and sharing all helped to lift my fears,one day at a time.
