The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first post here. My AH husband was sober for eight months. Since last weekend he has started drinking again. I was surprised at how fast he fell into his old pattern of consuming so much that he passes out. Of course he said that he was going to drink a few beers a day and not drink as many as before. I feel so many emotions about this it makes me so confused. I know I am tired of this but at the same time I love him. I so want him to change for me and our kids. I know after reading about alcoholism he needs to want to change or hit bottom to change. It really hurts that when he was sober he shut me out emotionally. I feel like I am rambling on here but I feel so lost and alone in this. I try so hard to stay strong for my kids when I feel so bad on the inside. I just want to become clear and head in some kind of direction out of the chaos that is my life.
Hello fuzzywho and welcome. You are not alone. Al-anon is a community of people who have suffered or are suffering from many of the same pains and heartaches that the chaos of alcoholism has brought to their lives. I have just started in the program and the sincerity and understanding of those I have encountered both online and in face 2 face meetings have already given me hope that I felt was lost, and I have started on the long journey to restoring my emotional health. I encourage you to learn about the program as much as possible and if possible find a face 2 face meeting in your area that you are comfortable in. You will find out more about the program here as well. There is hope.
My wife had been sober for 6 months before having a few drinks at a friend's wedding. That started the 18 month spiral that resulted in her smashed car and a hospital visit.
We talked this morning, and I told her that we had both used the scientific method to prove to ourselves that she cannot handle drinking even a little bit of alcohol, and that she needs to be sober in order to prevent the spiral. I meant it to be a joke, but there was truth in that statement, and she knows it.
I was all kinds of alone, lost, and confused when I arrived at AlAnon. I posted here the night I left my wife in the hospital after her accident. I have found clarity in thought and action through my AlAnon program, and I have found the most compassionate, understanding group of friends one could hope for.
I hope you keep coming back. I hope you also are able to find a good face to face meeting. I tried several before I decided to make the first group I tried my home group.
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Aloha Fuzzy welcome to the board and Al-Anon. If you haven't attended face to face meetings I suggest it from my own recovery in the disease. The hotline number can be found in the white pages of your local telephone book or go to the afg.org site and look up meetings. The program is anonymous we don't tell others who you are or what your story is...its yours and then you become family. Relapse is very often much worse that the original progressive drinking phenomena because the body will attempt to do "catch up" on all of the alcohol that was not consumed during the dry period. Yes it is that cunning. For everyday he didn't drink the disease took tally on what he would have to do to "catch up" to where he was supposed to be had he not stopped at all. When I got into Al-Anon we use to read the AMA definition on alcoholism and the part about progression of the disease which explained relapse so well that I came to understand more about what my alcoholic/addict wife and I were going thru during the time.
Welcome to the board...I hope you will stay and participate. One of our understandings which helps us to settle our mind, emotions and spirits is the 3Cs...We didn't Cause it, We cannot Control it and we will not be able to Cure it. (((((hugs)))))
The disease is so powerful, cunning and baffling! I hope you keep coming back and also go to face-to-face meetings. I used to feel so lonely and down and lost, but mostly crazy when my AH was out using. But through the help of Al-anon, professional counseling and every on this board I am doing a whole lot better today.
I love my husband too and I wanted him to change, but that was my want, not really his. He hasn't really ever hit the "proverbial" bottom or what I thought was the bottom according to me. He went to treatment a couple of times, used right after he got out, messed up while on probation by using and got sent to a half-way house that is run more like a jail and boot-camp. He says that is what it took to really make him look at himself and see and want to change. He is sober a little over a year now. He is doing better has held a job for a year, got a great review today and felt proud and confident of himself and I am glad of that.
I have learned through this program to mind my own business, keep my side of the street clean and to take care of me first. I too had to clear out my head. I also learned to not make any hefty decisions on any direction to take until I had 6 months or more of the program under my belt.
My husband still has a long way to go with emotional maturity and at times he still has bad behaviors towards me, is rather immature at times, and is still quite self-centered, however he is sober, is being a better husband and friend then before and I am better too. I wish you well and please do keep coming back.
__________________
Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
Thank you all for your support it does help to know I am not alone in this. I am glad I worked up the courage to finally post a message. I know I need to attend a face to face meeting and have been to scared to go. I may ask a friend to go with me to the first meeting so that I will be sure to go and not chicken out. I think that I am hesitant about going because then I cannot dismiss the dysfunction in my life.
Just as Flower49 was saying about wishing her husband would change I have spent years doing the same thing. I feel like I have been holding a egg that is cracking and I keep patching the crack but it keeps on growing anyway. I know that I must give up on trying to control it because I can't. I just feel so anxious about what will happen if I stop and let it go so to speak.
Are there any good books that any of you recommend for newbies?
monameows I also feel like I do not want my AH to know that I am going to attend meetings. Not sure why I feel this way yet trying to sort that out. I do not want to lie or lie by omission. I wish we could go to a meeting together also. (((HUGS)))
-- Edited by fuzzywho on Monday 1st of June 2015 10:06:51 PM
Go to the meeting and get the book how Al-Anon works. I believe that it is still only 6 dollars. There will be tons of informational pamphlets also. Its okay to be afraid as most new things like this are scary however go anyway...everyone there was fearful on the first meeting. Let us know how it comes out for you (((((hugs)))))
Welcome fuzzywho. I am so glad you found this site! You will find valuable information and get a lot of support and care here. I'm so sorry that your AH has started drinking again. I know the pain and despair, however my AH has only been able to make it 2 weeks sober in about 10 years. It is a lonely place to be, dealing with this. It seems as if a normal world is out there happening and here we are struggling with the craziness of alcoholism. Hopefully you will find a great f2f meeting and gain some serenity :) glad you are here.
