The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am writing here because I am not sure how to deal with my mothers alcoholism anymore and I am wanting to find some advice from people that have been in a similar situation.
From a little girl, around the age of six, I have grown up with this crazy and emotionally tolling world that alcoholism creates. I have witnessed my mother go completely out of control and not care who hurts in the process. The amount of times she has threatened to end her life, ended up in hospital or overnight jail and never knowing what I am coming home to after school. The broken furniture, abusive phone calls, manipulation and the amount of people that have walked out of our life because they can are only the surface of everything that has happened.
I am 23 now, and out of home. My mother is still drinking and ruining everything in her path and I completely understand it is out of my control but it makes me angry.
It makes me angry that even though she continues to hurt and emotionally abuse people, the next day everyone sweeps it under the rug and goes out of their way to make sure that she is the one that is ok.
My family enables her behaviour to a point that it is truly deteriorating their health. I have gotten to a stage where I actually can not hold a conversation with my mother, as soon as I pick up the phone to one of her calls and I can tell she is drinking and she has her "poor me" syndrome. The conversation quickly escalates into a full blown screaming match and I always end up feeling like a truly horrible daughter. I feel guilty and mean and unreasonable, Like, maybe if I just understood more, or showed more empathy she will be happy and not want to drink. But I have been trying to show her love, understanding and happiness for the past 18 years. She is honestly a truly beautiful person when she is sober. But when she drinks - it is a completely different person.
I don't even know if this makes sense, but I thought I would try anyway. I really want to forgive the past and move forward - but how can you when the behaviour is continuing? At the moment I feel really internally restricted and blank. I do not know how to move this situation forward.
JAH, there is no way to move "her" forward. You can only move you forward and set boundaries about your contact and your relationship such that it doesn't completely unnerve you to have dealing with her. Of course being raised by an alcoholic mom is going to take it's toll on you. That is stuff for you to work on yourself. You might try ACOA (adult children of alcoholics), though alanon is certainly appropriate too. The important thing is to get on your own journey of healing. If you are still feeling damaged, hurt, and on her emotional puppet strings, interacting with her is going to be horribly painful and it will tweak all your resentments towards her each time. When you practice some alanon tools and have more of your own recovery going, you will feel more whole, less affected by her actions, okay with your past and confident about your future....then she wont be able to bring you down so much...and/or you just wont let her. Hope this makes some sense.
Hi Jah! Glad to have you here with us. Coming here and Alanon meetings would be beneficial to YOU and every else involved. You'll learn that you are powerless over the choices your mother makes and the diesase of Alcoholism. You'll learn to surrender to that reality and truth. You'll learn to switch the focus off her and onto you. Healing will begin and you'll re-build your life from the inside out. From there, you'll learn to detach with love in regards to your mother. I've learned when we change, the people and world around us changes. It's a miraculous thing.
Face to face meetings will be a good start to your journey.
alanon will help Heal you from the inside out. It is a me
program About our emotional and spiritual health with
the help Of our own higher power.
Alcoholism is truly a family disease and it is powerful
Cunning and baffling. It effects everything it touches.
You will learn useful tool such as healthy boundaries,
Loving detchment and many more tools.
When you attend meetings you do not need to speak
Till you are ready. Just say pass, you will hear your
Story told. Most of us come from alcoholism or the
Dysfunction from it.
Welcome to Al-Anon, JAH. I'm so happy that you found us.
Al-Anon has been a lifesaver for me. I grew up in an alcoholic home as well, and though my parents passed away years ago I am just seeing how much I was shaped by that culture.
I've only been a member of Al-Anon for 10 months now, but it was such a relief to learn I was powerless over other people, including the alcoholics in my life and those related to me. I hope that you find this peace of mind by coming here. The chatroom at the top of the page is available 24/7 as is this board, and there are online meetings there twice daily. Weekdays the meetings are 9a and 9p ET, Sat at 10a and 9p ET, Sun at 10a and 7p ET.
Thanks for posting, keep coming back. We are here for you anytime.
Doesn't it make ya'all crazy when everyone focuses on soothing the alcoholic and not on the victims of their rampages? I think that's why Al-Anon helps so much, it's time to focus on US! And it feels so good to hear others share about what they're going through and so many of the situations mirror our own.
alcoholism is a family illness it's tears families into shreds. It make everyone physically, mentally and spiritually unwell. The alcoholic is not of sane mind but it is not because they are wilful they are mentally ill. The day I accepted this and stopped expecting sane behaviour it got a little easier. This is not about blame alcoholism is a cunning baffling illness. They say the drinker has the sickness and the family gets the spots. Try al anon meetings looks for similarities with others not differences we really understand what it's like to live with this horrible illness. We won't give you advice just share our own experiences you canake your own decisions. Al anon loved me till I learnt to love myself hugs Tracy xxxx
