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Hi everyone! My ah was able to make it 4 months without drinking and then he slipped. I told him it isn't the slip but how he acts that is what I have problems with. The dry drunk came back with a vengeance and the mood swings it was one day of slippage and his moods went south he mentioned that he might be bipolar and that when he meet with the doctor he confirmed it diagnosed bipolar ii. I have to say I wasn't shocked but I have Ben alittle down since I found out. I guess. I was blaming the alcoholic for everything and didn't realize it is not only alcoholic but bipolar as well. He was happy about being told and now it's like he has a reason and excuse for his behavior. But I guess I am having a selfish moment and thinking, really?? How could I been so fooled to marry him he is worse then the one I divorce in ways.. he is two weeks sober and bipolar and I'm on the sideline going it must be nice to have so many excuses to do what u ant to do and say what u say while I sit here and wonder if a good marriage can exist, r u a safety concern to me and my daughter (he is her step dad). Can or should I run and not look back- all those fantasy as a little girl are gone and the pile of whatever this is is all I have left. I am so mad at something but tire of being so. Thanks for listening I'm just like what in the world how many of u would walk away?
Out-of-control bipolar is like out-of-control alcoholism - chaotic and a mess. If either one of them were under control, and the person had good awareness and a whole plan and system in place to stay healthy, that would be one thing. Not having it - it's not really much different from alcoholism, is it?
It is also the most common misdiagnosis of alcoholics in early sobriety. Some psychiatists will diagnose it just to prescribe the meds and, to a degree, those meds may help with some of the volatile mood swings of early sobriety. He wouls need to be sober a year or two to tell if he really has that disorder. Take it with a grain of salt. That diagnosis was made by someone who gets paid to push meds and who will qualify your husband for more services and treatment by making him dually diagnosed.
My husband currently is being treated as a recently sober "dual diagnosis" patient. His mom is bi-polar and his dad was a second gen alcoholic.
He's got a great gene pool.
He does have anxiety.
so far in 4 months he's on Lithium (for mood swings) and lexapro for anxiety and they keep upping the lexapro.
I think many folks who have mental illness drink to self medicate. And those that try to get sober without addressing those issues are bound to have a harder time if they can even manage it at all without other medications.
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-- ladybug
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
I think I can understand how you're feeling in your last statements there. My AH wasn't diagnosed bi polar, but I'm definitely experiencing a lot of similar feelings. I am not as smart with all of this as some people here...but I would imagine that it might be difficult to accurately diagnose someone who is still obviously very much influenced by the alcoholism.
Then again, it is definitely possible that BPD and alcoholism are co-morbid. Either way, whether he is bi-polar or not, you deserve to keep yourself happy and safe. It doesn't matter what his setbacks are, they aren't excuses for treating you poorly.
Thanks everyone for letting me vent. I am just so frustrated and confused by it all. His moods change faster so faster, I just don't understand all of it or what todo about it. Right now he is having a lot of highs and then wants to sleep or goes to our room a lot and shut the door. It is really weird. I'm just focusing on everything else.. And not him. I just look at him and go oh my GOD when he jumps up and down and has a tantrum because his parents don't tell him about some information he wants. It is so weird..
I very much agree with pink chips statements that bipolar is the most common misdiagnosed disorder in early sobriety that I seen in the many years of employment in mental health. When substances are mixed in it is really difficult to get an accurate picture and sadly in some situations medications are prescribed as the quick fix with no attention paid to the bigger issue of alcoholism. Either way even if he truly is bipolar he is responsible for himself and getting himself in the right treatment and doing what he needs to do to stabalize.
I am a firm believer that until someone is actually sober that's the time to look at mental health issues. It should be done by someone who has experience with addiction not some random Dr. Which is what happened with my XAH.
My XAH was diagnosed with bi polar and just like Pink stated it was a nightmare. He was actively drinking and using the pills to get higher. He became addicted to Clonazepam and that was horrible. He turned into someone I am still leery of because he became so out of control. He wanted help however he wanted an easy fix and not to have to work on himself. He still refuses to acknowledge that he has other issues to address.
It makes it hard on my kids trying to have a parental relationship they wind up being the adults in the situation.
4 months is not a long time to be sober (I'm not knocking it by any means) after many years of drinking there is so much brain damage that happens during the actual drinking time.
I am around many different RA's and it's very easy to see the one's who are and continue to work towards emotional sobriety and the one's who are still in the dry drunks of it all. So much more to it to simplify the issue as a mental diagnosis.
Big hugs, keep working on you.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
One of the hardest times I have had in living with my husband's alcoholic journey has been the first year of his sobriety. I guess I found it difficult because I expected my old friend to return after just a few months. Instead there were huge mood swings, medical complaints and excuses and all this going on throughout the day - I am rather shame faced to admit that I was missing the peaceful late afternoons and evenings when AH had been out for the count. And of course I was also allowing myself to acknowledge my anger and distrust so much more.
This is a side note but does anyone have problems with just going numb. Last two days he has been "nice" again and pretending like everything is fine again. He ask me if anything is wrong I say no but he wants a hug for reassurance. He kisses me and I just don't feel anything. I'm tired, hurt and confused. I don't want to be hugged or kissed by the person who has put me here...I met with my therapist and she wants to do a couple appt. I just wonder when the confusion ends will he ever be ok and be able to be a husband? How long does it take for the ups and downs to be normal enough to have a grown up relationship. Why am I still in this? How do I get out is this hopeless.. I'm running out of hope..has anyone else come to this what have u all done?
Honey I'm right where you are, and it doesn't feel good. I've grown apart from my AH so much in the last year as alcohol has taken hold of his kids and his own drinking has gotten worse. He lives in denial. I pray to my HP for his will for me to be revealed but so far I haven't been able to discern it. Every day the confusion of the disease is almost overwhelming. It feels hopeless, and yet, I still can't bring myself to devise an exit strategy that will get me and my own child out of here. I'm sorry I don't have any e/s/h for you but I did want to tell you you're not alone. Hugs.
The exit Strategy is found in working the program "Changing is a form of leaving how we live in the disease. When I no longer participated how I use to the disease could no longer go on as it had for me. I got out of my behaviors, thoughts and feelings I used back then and so the consequences changed for me. I learned to truly love her and found no reason to be married to her. I had made a mistake in the choice to marry her in the first place. Act as if was a valuable program tool for me and it still is. Pink Chip and the others who speak of dual diagnosis treatment modalities offer good information...dual diagnosis modality in the past was about bringing in insurance dollars that were not available on a straight "alcohol abuse or addiction diagnosis and which were available when the mental health disorder could be tagged. Look for the "primary" or "secondary" problem in the diagnosis. If alcohol is primary then usually that is what they will go after hard and fast...if not mental health often takes the lead. Read up on the synergistic characteristic of alcohol or that characteristic which when you add alcohol to the prescription it will multiply the affect and often dangerously. Just my experience as a therapist. There is much more to understand that goes on and understanding reduces the chance of being a victim.
Being detached is a proper defense tool against the disease of alcoholism. We may feel strange using it however for me I learned a ton while detaching and so did my alcoholic/addict wife. It's okay we need our justifiable defenses or else we keep ourselves in the problem and not near the solutions. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
