The program introduced me to the idea and practice of "self love" not being self centered where I learn to take on positive attitudes and behaviors and yes a lot of it comes from altering my perception of those around me.  My feelings are choices my sponsor taught me...I can choose to feel what ever I need to when ever I need to even the feeling about my alcoholic/addict wife....rocket science.   ((((hugs))))

Oh yes, totally lost respect. But I idolized him before that so it was a very long drop. We were married 29 years when it all came to a head. I had to remind my self constantly to treat him with courtesy and respect no matter how I really felt. I had to bite my tongue so many times. I felt honorable if I could pull it off, but it bugged me that I had to do it with a spouse. I didn't sign up for that. It all comes to living in reality and knowing what your reality is.

I stayed in AlAnon for 15 years now, and I still have to remind myself often about the courtesy and respect. He doesn't drink anymore but is still very egocentric. I learned in AlAnon to take care of myself and then I really don't care to dwell on his problems, even while he is talking about them. I may sit there and nod my head a say aha while I am thinking about something else or even singing a song in my head. I am still getting away from him and take what I like while I leave the rest.

Hi

i hate this disease and this leads to me hating my ex at times as I see him as the disease. He has been active after two years of sobriety for 9 months. He broke a boundary I set to protect myself and I broke up with him to protect me and the kids. He is going down further and further I am not watching. I have needed to get the focus on me I have grieved felt the pain cried and cried to hp. reaching out to al anon has been a must. When I was angry hp sent me al anon literature or a meeting to help change my attitude. Today my life becomes more and more peaceful as I do the steps especially step 11 prayer and meditation. I trun to hp for love today not my sick partner.  He rang the other day my anger has past I just feel so much pain for this human being who is in so much turmoil. Yet I am powerless and today I matter. So I pray for him and me and the kids and put it all in HPs hands. Be gentle with yourself alcoholism is a family illness hugs Tracy xxxxx

I too struggle with this issue and I decided after listening in meetings and reading the Al-Anon literature that I will treat my husband as I would treat a friend, coworker or even a stranger on the street and listen to him with respect and courtesy. I read last night that even if I pretend I am listening and I am not, I am not treating the A with respect. I would do it for a stranger, why not my AH?

Just my humble opinion...take it or leave it!