New to Al-Anon, not to alcoholism - Al-Anon Family Group

aymees · Newbie

New to Al-Anon, not to alcoholism

Freetime · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi there, I'm also fairly new to Al-Anon, less than a year, and finding it so very helpful to be among people who understand. In choosing a meeting, I also live in an area with many choices, and I just chose one that was convenient to my schedule. I found that if it's convenient, I'm less likely to skip a meeting. I came to really like this meeting and now consider it my home group, but have also attended others on occasion. Best wishes to you in finding a meeting that works for you; somehow I feel sure you will.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

You could try all of them and see what you think.
Some people go to multiple meetings a week on
A regular basis. I Have a home group and the other
Meeting times do not work out for me. I wish they
Did because i could stand more than one alanon
meeting a week.

I did attend a couples meeting once i did not care
For it at all. Format was totally different. They were
There for their children not for healing from the
disease. It did nothing for me only confused me.

It takes awhile to understand and accept the concepts
In alanon. Its all sbout you getting better in spite
Of the disease. You learn healthy boundaries and
Loving detachment among other tools to keep you
Safe and happy no matter what the addict does
Or doesnt do. Keep in our own hula hoop and on
Our side of the street. Its about us changing and
Growing in the program with your HP helping you
On your journey to emotional and spiritual health.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Amy both you and your husband might benefit from attending alanon face to face meetings. Beginner Meeting are really wonderful as they define the tools and you will connect with others who understand as few others can. You will also receive the support that is so crucial, as we learn how to cope with this dreadful disease.

kelllkelll · Member

I am totally new, live in a rural area, nar anon meets way out of my way so i am here. Looking hard to figure it out. Would love face to face as i am that type of person. I know i need support from people who have been where i am now. I would love to figure out how to get a local meeting started, i know im not the only one in my town. My daughter is a drug addict and even when she had to go to meetings they were way out of the way, only went because she had to per DCFS. She doesnt lie to me unless shes drugging, but she doesnt trust me either, and doesnt want smart advice. We end up yelling at each other or i just leave because shes so abusive to me. Recently left her at ER for just this reason and told her to find her own ride home. I know i am doing the right things by not enabling her and of course still learning, hardest part, she has a child and she uses her against me, withholds visits, threatens to never let me see her again. She has convinced herself that we are so different that we cant even communicate which i assume is her wall to keep from communicating. She does have complete control of how she wants to deal with me and because she has no rationale, especially when "on", i cant even get anything through to her, how do i practice powerlessness with my granddaughter involved? How long before she gets hurt, i know shes being "damaged".

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I grew up in the same county you live in. Alanon and AA are very strong there. You are lucky. I think there are a lot of mother's with addicted children in your shoes in terms of the fathers (I'm assuming this is his dad that you are married to) being less invested and wanting to just write them off. We can't pick up much from each other's relatively short intros and written descriptions, but I did notice you wrote that "you HAD to" spring into action and get him into rehab. You did not HAVE to do anything. Is he calling you randomly and crying "my life is a mess!" "I need help" and even more frequently even before that "I need money!" If so, that is similar to how I treated my parents before getting sober. My mom sort of unwittingly funded my disease. She didn't know how bad it was because I also moved 1000 miles away. What would happen if he had to find his way without anything but moral and verbal support from you?

aymees · Newbie

Thank you, everyone, for your responses. Pinkchip, in particular, yes that is pretty much it. We had dinner with a couple (dear friends of ours) last night and he has an alcoholic/addict daughter from a previous marriage (now sober for many years) and he basically asked me the same thing. Like, what is his relapse plan, if this should happen again, am I just going to bail him out again? I just don't know - there was a young man in his program this time (a heroin addict) who checked himself out early and his mom said if you check out early don't come home, and he was found dead of an overdose a few days later. I mean, how do you live after that? I just hope I don't have to figure it out again.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I hope you don't either but even in that worst case scenario, it's the disease that killed the person and not the enabler and, to me, that would be easier to live with than keeping the person under your roof and/or sending them money and then knowing they died. Even in that case though, it's important to remember, it's the disease pretty much doing all the damage.

ntd2001 · Veteran Member

Hi, welcome to the newcomers. So glad you are here with us, and I hope you find the healing you want and deserve in meetings. I've been attending Al-Anon for ten months now, and it is making a difference in my life.

If you are ever in a position where you can't make face-to-face meetings, there are fourteen meetings a week here (you can find the link at the top of the page). The chatroom is available 24/7 and usual has someone there to talk to. Also, Al-Anon has a service known as phone bridge meetings, meetings by conference call. T
Please know that we are always here for you. Keep coming back!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

God reading part of this I am so happy that Al-Anon taught me to live one day at a time up to and including a minute at a time as that helped save my spirit and sanity along with the rest of the program...looking for my alcoholic/addicts after they went missing, calling the cops and hospitals and finding my wife once as a "Jane doe" after she was held in emergency for 48 (I know she is dead) hours and after seeing a car just like hers dangling from the telephone pole guy wires....I was blistering crazy not knowing until I learned to "Admit I was powerless over alcoholism and drug addictions and that my life had become unmanageable"

Amyees all of our "Family Groups' have "Family Group names" and sometimes those names speak to where we are located or a theme (My home group is the "Wednesday Night - Turning Point - Al-Anon Family Group" The Turning Point description talks about the point where we learn to turn our lives around...I have belonged to others including a Friday night Mens' Stag AFG. The are free, most are open the meeting format mostly exactly the same as the others and at times the fellowship you will see at other meetings. "Family Groups". There are also twice daily MIP Al-Anon meetings here. Jump in and listen, learn then practice.

In support. (((((hugs))))) smile

Let your husband have his own attitude...Us men often times "get it" later than you gals. I was raised by the women in Al-Anon and I am grateful to say that. My Mom was glad to get the son she always wanted. LOL

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.