The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I might be a little more hard-headed than most, I'm not sure. I have been taking steps forward and then backwards, totally on the merry go round of craziness that is living with a very active A. (the getting disappointed time and time again, getting angry at the lack of caring, the sneaking around, the being drug down by the constant negativity, becoming furious by the lack of fathering, constantly checking up on the A...etc etc etc)
Last week I had a breakthrough when praying to my HP. I keep "getting" the message that I need to put out there what I want to get back (joy, love, positivity, etc) so I have been really trying this. I have also been minding my own business and not obsessing about what my AH is or is not doing. I feel different, more calm, less caring and less reactive. It's been nice. Now that I have taken my focus off of my AH, he is, once again, coming to me and telling me that Monday (it's never tomorrow...he has to give himself a good 3 days) he needs to start "getting healthy and not drinking so much". No reaction from me.(the past 150 times he has done this, I have flown off the handle and reacted like a crazy person...because it is always the same old story, different day and ends up in no change at all) He said he needs my help. I told him I would be here for him, but that I could not be his accountability partner. (we have tried this before, never works well and I end up being the one hurt most by the disappointment) I looked at the ground while he talked and then he told me he had been to the doctor the week before because his blood pressure was so high he had to be put on different meds. He thought I would be so mad that he hadn't told me. (i was - I figure normal married people share this kind of important stuff with each other) but I didn't react. I didn't say anything. I just listened and talked in my head (ok, maybe screamed in my head) so when he finished, I said "ok. Gotta go do the dishes." And walked out. He was floored....I have really thrown him for a loop. I see that al anon is working in my life and I am so thankful! I can't tell you that things are all good, they aren't, but I am better even if everything around me is not, and I am so thankful. The gist of this long post is: it works if you work it! It really does! (it also helps with keeping your sanity with your teenage kids...a bonus!)
hope yall all have a great weekend!
-- Edited by Fairlee on Friday 24th of April 2015 10:19:56 PM
My wife has to go to court for her third DUI Wednesday, and is stressing because she doesn't have an attorney. I am letting that be her problem. She is in "treatment" now, and drinking before she goes every morning. She is more aware, and has even tried to apologize for getting int he way of my goals (An actual conversation. She feels bad that she prevented me from getting what I want in life.) but, she is still drinking. And, send her to the store, she still puts the fresh veggies back when she discovers she doesn't have enough money for the beer. At least I know I am just letting her do what she will do, instead of trying to control that now!!!! Alanon really does work.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Its an amazing program and its all just common sense really. Its the stuff your mother told you in a way. Doing the right thing. For me it keeps it simple, in a structure. If you think about it letting people in your life have their own consequences without interference is always and was always the right thing to do. We get lost in the disease of alcoholism and its a powerful disease, were as sick as the drinker and just as he needs his medicine, meetings, others who truly understand so do we. Glad your feeling better and it definately works.x
That is good news Fairlee :) You are right that there is no telling what will happen with your AH. Towards the end of my drinking days I had high BP too. That went away in recovery.
