The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This has been another rough month for me.It has been extremely stressful and I am feeling exhausted.I had some extra money at the first of the month and while I was paying my rent I decided to go ahead and pay all the bills since I had another check coming in a few days.I felt very good about getting all the bills paid and breathed a sigh of relief,I though I was being responsible and doing a good thing.Well, long story short there was a mistake made with one of my checks and I didn't receive it until a couple of days ago.That made for a very scary situation,we barely survived until that check came, and yes,I became very angry.I asked God," what next God, Did I do something that I am being punished for"Yeah, I am being honest my attitude was really bad.It seems like I can't get a break .I guess I made the mistake of counting my chickens before they have hatched.I will never do that again,in fact one of my goals is to have some emergency funds,I am working on that but it is hard to do now that I am trying to make it by myself.I want to have some savings for emergencies.And ,yes thoughts of my ex went through my head,I am cleaning up his mess and he is living with a woman and doing whatever he wants,so typical.It makes me want to scream.Well I have decided to add more to my plate in order to have some savings and I am exhausted from school and responsibilities that I have now,but I don't have a choice.I don't ever want another month like that if I can help it.I went into a depression over this and now I am trying to pull out of it.
Mary you are doing great. Be gentle with
Yourself we are all human and make mistakes.
Keep your head up and move on do the
Next best thing for you. Recovery takes
Alot of courage and you have it , use your
tools to help you.
Tough times are tough thats for sure. Your awareness and honesty shine through and i always think thats half the battle because how can we work on making it better if we cant see the way it is in the first place? I learned that lesson a few times and it was good to have savings, peace of mind can be worth the extra effort. I understand the mindset of why me? The self pity makes us think of ourselves as victims of others, of God, of life and feeling like a victim of it all results in anger and resentment so then its like a viscious cycle and can be difficult to break out of. I was in the habit of thinking this way for many years until it felt like each and every one of my thoughts were negative automatically. This was how alcoholism, the thinking disease manifested itself in me. Depression and misery were dominant in my life and it wasnt because of life and its events, it was my own mind, the way i thought about it. i suggest you up your meetings, get a sponsor you can call on when the stinking thinking starts to kidnap your mind. You dont have to feel this way if you dont want to.
