Hi i am a new member at the suggestion of my mom to try it out and see if it helps me. First let me say i have just realized that at the age of 17 i was an alcoholic at the time i didn't think i was a couple years later i hit rock bottom and decided a change was in order. I meet my boyfriend online and had talked to him for a few months prior to my rock bottom hit and when i did i decided to move to his state and live with him and his family. 8 years since i moved i have not drank or did drugs since. I have two beautiful children and have a mostly happy life, that if i think about it now wouldn't have had i stayed in that situation. Unfortunately that is not why i joined al anon, i have an alcoholic brother who lives with me. Sorry in advance for the long post but i have alot on my chest. So for a little back story, my mom and dad divorce when were young kids because of my dads alcoholic and abusive behavior towards my mom. I have two older brothers from my moms first marriage so when the split happened they went with her and me and my younger brother went with my dad who after awhile sobered up. Unfortunately though he was never abusive to us his new girlfriend was, especially towards my younger brother. We did eventually with help from my school principal and social worker move out of my dads and lived my mom and step dad. The whole thing affected me differently than him, i was able to move past it he was not. So because both my mom and stepdad had to work to support us, as we got older we were home by ourselfs alot and i had to take care of him not in the same way as when we were living with our dad but nonetheless still had to. So he sees me as a mother figure and when i moved six months later he moved up her with me. Hestarted drinking when i was in my downward spiral and he moved up he thought it was gonna be the same but it wawasn't i stopped drinking. He was suppose to finish high school up here because he stopped going to school down there and all three of parents thought he would do better up here with me. It didn't happen, some situation came up and me and my boyfriend where we had to move and my brother stayed with my boyfriends grandma. I still talked to him everyday but i notice and he later admitted he was getting depressed and homesick, so we rode the bus together all the way back home where he moved back in with my dad and i came back to my new home. He did go back to high school and graduated and found a job, i thought he was doing good, still drinking, but taking care of his responsibilities. I get a call late night from one of his friends saying he is in the hospital, that he had taken a bat(after an altercation with another friend) and beat himself with it reapeatly till his face was black and blue, i called my mom and dad and told them despite there d ifences they needed to be there for him and not argue with each other. So after discussions with them and his friend who called me it was decided he move back up here again. He was still depressed and drinking we had alot of issues with it because i would come home and he'd be passes out on my bed or to drunk to walk or being loud and waking up my then 2 yr son, he had another drunk break down and told me and my mother in law (what i like to call my boyfriends mom) he wanted to kill himself and no cared about him, so we ended up calling the police, who sent him to detox and had him evaluate.now my brothers not dumb he told them exactly what they wanted to hear and they let him go. Hes was mad at us but never said he was gonna kill himself again.he finally got into college and meet some friends and had an appartment with them but due to his drinking his grades fell and financial aid got cut off. Him and his friends got kicked out of there apartment. He moved back in with me and said just until he finds a job and appeals his financial aid. I told him no drinking at my house, i dont care if you go out and drink with friends whatever but i dont want it here around my kids and when hes drunk not to be around me because it always ends in argument . For awhile he would abide by it then he would go back to being drunk and pass in out anywhere he pleases, being abnoxus, being rough with the kids and seeking me out for an argument. I have laid ground rules and tried to meet him half way but it dont seem to work.he doesnt pay rent here or buy groceries or help with keeping the house clean. All ive asked him to do is wash the dished because he eats and to help chop wood in the winter time and he doesnt want to do any of that. He doesnt have a job and when he does he spends his money on alcohol and drugs. He lies to me about being drunk ( im not stupid). He degrades me to other people now, like i live in a s**y house(which im in the process of remodeling and have completed the living room) have a s***ty job ( which i am happy with and make good money) and i argue to much with my boyfriend (usual its just about whose doing the dishes or the laundry). Every time he come home drunk he says i dont listen to him and see things from his point of view and i dont care about him. This last argument he told me i look at him how my dads girfriend( the one that abused us) use to. I have never treated him that way and it hurt me that he thinks of me that way. I dont know what to do anymore i yelled pleaded cried. This last time i told him his friends are not allowed at my house because they dont clean up after themselves and he dont clean up after them either, he needed to look for a job so he can find his own place and i went as far as telling him he needed to go to AA and would be there to support him he says he dont need it. I know i cant help him if he dont want help but i dont know what else to do. Im tired of having to defend myself and it makes me feel like my family thinks i live horribly too. I am happy in all aspects of my life except this. The last two days has been so emotional for me angry sad lost. How do i detach with love when if feel like i cant detach? Sometimes i feel like i set this in motion with my drinkin, i know its not my fault but i feel as if had i been a better rolemodel he would not be this way.My boyfriend and mother in law both see how it affects me and makes me question myself and support me the best they can but i feel i need a little extra support in trying to dealing with my A brother. Thank you for reading my post and sorry its so long any insight would be helpful and appreciated.