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I mean, he was diagnosed with Barretts Esophagus and told to "Wien" off alcohol and lay off pop. So what does he do? Spends the rest of the day after the Upper endoscopy, eating everything in sight. (junk food) And I am not sure, but i THINK he drank a little. Thursday he drank his usual 1/2 a 5th of Black Velvet. Friday he drank all but about an 1/8th of a 5th, then the next day the rest of that and another almost whole 5th!!!! I mean, it's like he is giving up and going for the gusto! Yesterday, we went to the store, and about 5 min after we got home, he says he has to go back and get a bottle of dressing for his cucumber. (I know better) he comes home with a rose each for me and my mother, but on the way in, stopps at the hall closet and opens the door and put's "something" in there. (which makes NO sence cause he wasn't wearing a coat or needed anything in there) After the rose giving, and me not leaving the kitchen that is within sight, he goes back to the closet and gets his bottle. I made a point of making sure he saw that I was looking at it so he doesn't think he is getting one over on me. (he drank all but about an 1/8th of that one as wekk) It's those dumb little things they do thinking they are fooling US! At least he wasn't Ralph this weekend with all the drinking. That surprised me. And he didn't seem as drunk either. I wonder if it is some chemical thing that if they drink MORE then they usually do, they become sober again. Not sure. It's so sad, cause sober, he's a great Guy/husband/father.
I tend to find hidden cans and bottles when cleaning, and no telling how long they have been there. So difficult. I wonder sometimes as well if they are trying to kill themselves. I cannot otherwise explain the quantities my wife continued to drink.
I hope you keep coming back. AlAnon helped me let go of my need to control my wife's drinking. I couldn't control it anyway, and for me, there is no point in trying to control what she does - although, I did just receive a text message from her, informing me that she was still sober today. :-/ It seems that, on some level, she still WANTS me to try to control (or at least be aware) of her drinking.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
alcoholism is indeed a fatal and progressive disease. it's really hard to tell what is going through someone's mind when they are active, often they hide the truth so well from themselves that they can't tell you the truth because they don't really know! I know my wife, on one of her binges, went to pick up our son from school. In her mind, she was hoping she would have an accident on the way over so that she could end it all, she was tired of living like that. Of course, she loves our son very much, but her thought processes were so warped from so much alcohol for so long she hadn't thought that through, that she would kill our son and his friend that she was picking up from school.
Thank God she got picked up on her second DUI in the school parking lot. So, with my wife, there was a lot of shame, frustration, and depression driving her. She couldn't tell me about this until she had gone through rehab and more intensive outpatient.
IN the meantime, I got into Al Anon. I was able to stop focusing on her when she got out of rehab and keep it on me, and let her do her own thing as she felt she should. She is an adult with a disease, and doesn't need me checking with her, monitoring her every movement, etc. That just made matters worse, it increased the shame and got the cycle going even harder.
Can you get to some F2F meetings? that will help with the focus staying on you. Keep coming back here and reading and sharing, that was as big a help to me as face to face meetings were.
I'm so sorry :( It is so frustrating! My AH was told 2 years ago that if he doesn't stop drinking it will eventually kill him. (He has liver disease) It didn't even phase him one day! My AH's thinking is he has plenty of time and will stop drinking and get healthy "next week" or "next month" or "next year" but it never happens. It is so sad but there is absolutely nothing I can do. I can't make him want a better, healthier life and his snail is sooooo strong. I know what you mean about your AH sober being a great person - I feel the same way but see less and less of that sober person these days.
Hope you can take care of you and attend some meetings to get some serenity :)
When in my active drinking, I did want to die. It was passive suicide to drink like that. I used to be positive that I would die before my whole family so I would never have to endure loss. I was also of the mindset that "we all die sometime" so I might as well do what I wanted. I also believed firmly that my drinking really only hurt me and that anyone else who said it hurt them had a problem of their own. As the drinking got worse and worse I just stopped caring about myself completely. It was just complete ambivalence about most everything. At the time I was in a bad relationship that I didn't know how to get out of. A job I hated that I felt stuck in. I had no friends of my own. I had no coping skills and I drank myself out of the ones I may have had at one time. Alcohol was the only thing that "seemed" to make me feel better. Little did I know it was causing a lot of the problems and making me feel worse. Hiding bottles and such has nothing to do with thinking you are stupid. It has everything to do with just wanting to get drunk so bad and not wanting to get hassled about it. It's sad.
Very insideous diesase! It de-sensitizes and blocks our consciousness. Our values go out the window with the empty's. The diesase makes the decisions for us. We'll do anything to ensure our fix is close by and plentifully in stock. Yes, we are only lying to ourselves, but we can't see it. Cunning, baffling and powerful. It's the only diesase that tells you, you don't have a diesase.
I watched my son go from a very talented athlete(All Star etc....) and aspirations to go to college in Florida. To a big school where he could cheer on his school sports teams and live the good life. He wanted to be a Sports Agent. All this went in the sh*ter once the diesase set it's teeth into him. He could care less about anything today. School, sports, friends, dreams etc.....
He spiraled quickly. Took less than a year. I here it from the podium all the time.
I was so miserable. I crashed my car drunk and somehow didn't get a DUI, but it woke me up to the fact that my life was in shambles. My one remaining friend told me then "I am scared for you. You need to go to AA." I knew I would never get sober in a relationship with another drunk so I left him and started AA 2 days later. I haven't drank since. I was going to lose everything.
Pain and suffering from the way I was living. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Losing everything dear to me. Wife kicked me out, job in jepordy, could see my young kids when only the wife allowed it, living with my mother at 38 and couldn't draw a sober breath.......... Tried to drink one more time after a 6 week Intensive Outpatient Program- Rehab. Blacked out a 9 pm, and came to at 9 am in a jail cell. Made a stop at the local hospital along the way. I was convinced I was just going out for a couple? I surrendered that morning.
This is a beautiful thread is that it contains the voices of the family and the alcoholic with recovery. I looked forward to these God directed events of recovery when I was a therapist as they were caring and honest...sooooo powerful. There are so many responses to why and or how did you quit drinking and what I see and think is going on with the alcoholic. This thread is a keeper and I will keep it as I've been on both sides of the disease.. Thank God for God and for all of God sponsors here and in the rooms of recovery. (((((hugs)))))
At least he wasn't Ralph this weekend with all the drinking. That surprised me. And he didn't seem as drunk either. I wonder if it is some chemical thing that if they drink MORE then they usually do, they become sober again. Not sure. It's so sad, cause sober, he's a great Guy/husband/father. 
