The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My boyfriend and I were invited to a wedding this weekend. He got trashed drunk and I politely started going to the car. He insisted on staying. I waited in the car for an hour and said screw it i'm leaving. As soon as I got home, I got a call from my friend. Apparently he "found" an entire bottle of Xanax in someone's purse, took them all and proceeded to steal a plethora of personal items from the bridal party. He is now in jail with 7 counts of theft, calling me swearing he is never going to drink or drug again, he's going to get serious about his recovery again, this is his bottom, blah blah blah. My friend and her family are never going to look at me the same. I'm not going to get his behind and I'm the only one who can afford to get him out. And of course- I love him. WTF.
Welcome Kspec I am sorry to read of these unfortunate , painful incidents. Alcoholism is indeed a cunning baffling invidious disease that is progress and cannot be cured.but can be arrested. AA is the recovery program for the alcoholic and alanon is the program established for family members. Alanon holds face to face meetings in most communities and the hotline number can be found in the local white pages. .
Alanon helps to break the isolation of living with the disease, and gave me new constructive tools to live by I learned to live one day at a time, focused on myself, not reacting to the insanity but acting in my own best interest
Please search out these meetings and attend Keep coming back here as well. There is hope
You have now experienced the powerlessness we have over alcohol. That is Al Anon's first step, realizing your powerlessness over alcohol - or other addictive drugs. You are also powerless over him and his actions. Of course, the legal system has lots of power, I have experienced that same power against my wife from 2 DUIs.
My wife sat in jail without bail for 10 days, I couldn't have gotten her out if I would have wanted to. That spurred her into going into recovery. If I had just gotten her out of jail, I am quite sure she would have gone back to her 3-100ml vodka a week habit until the next bad thing happened. Of course, there was no guarantee that she would take recovery seriously after she was in jail and at rehab, but it sure wasn't going to happen if I would have just ponied up the dough for bail the 2nd time and gotten her out. She instead went to a rehab where she applied herself.
In Al Anon we say "nothing changes if nothing changes". I sense you have had these phone calls before. And maybe you are looking for a change. The only person that can make change is you at this point.
I hope you can get to an Al Anon meeting, they are great for getting our heads back into rationality. Understanding why we accept absolutely unacceptable behavior, and being able to make decisions through rational reflection rather than instantaneous reaction.
