The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
since the ultimatium, ah has been sober but is going through that pattern of his,where he tries to do all the things he has needed to do n the house in a frenzy of several days. he believes thats what will prove his attempt at sobriety but it has always backfires..and he starts drinking again. i wish i could be more optimistic about it but it happens again and again i hope and hope but no changing. he doesnt go to meetings and study aa stuff or anything.
meanwhile i keep thinking about that he is the only one in the world who knows almost everything about me. we are together 26yrs. still, i have continued sorting and packing things,looking for apartments etc
it is tough especially when im in a sort of neutral mood. and not feeling that blue misery and dark feelings his drinking brings out in me
my wife was diagnosed as.bipolar when she was really alcoholic but everyone was in denial, including her psychiatrist. She would go up when she hadn't been drinking, then low when she hit the bottle. There is a reason a lot of As are misdiagnosed as bipolar. And it sounds like he is doing a "get everything done and prove my worth while I am sober " run.
I'm glad to hear you are forging ahead. He's not doing anything for himself apparently, but you are doing something for you.
Alyce I agree that without support, it is very difficult for anyone to maintain long term sobriety, Just keep praying and keeping the focus on yourself,
Remember that HP knows you better than you know yourself and loves you with an everlasting love.
Ive been listening to aa speakers on you tube and im learning. It seems to be a disease that cant be controlled on sheer determination or will power no matter how hard the person wants to stop. The drinking is the medicine to thought processes that torture the drinker. My ex was able to stay sober fro a few years when he knew i was on the verge of leaving him. He was never sober though, he replaced drink with other things, always searching for a way out of his own head.
It seems to be that most of the drinkers who get recovery had reached their own personal bottom. Ending up on the streets, down and out for some, others the bottom was reached before this. I feel such empathy for alcohloics and i thank God im not. Its a horrid cruel disease that tells the person they dont have it.
Its a disease that destroys the people who love them too. Your duty, i believe, is to yourself. You have the right to build a happy life for yourself. Your husband has that same right. In support.x
I remember my XAH doing stuff like that. Trying to prove his worth through doing things and then he'd slip and drink again. It was just part of the cycle and didn't really change the dynamics of his disease. I just kept working my program and did the best I could to take the focus off of him. It takes practice but it can be done. Hugs to you.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Everyone I knew that quit drinking without AA became an opinionated A-hole. Half the people I know that are sober in AA are opinionated A-holes LOL. A good AA program limits the severity and frequency of tantrum-like, king-baby behaviors. Enjoy each day as much as you can for now Alyce. It's ok to enjoy the peace for the time being even while keeping your expectations low for him.
