The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The Courage to Change today is a powerful reading regarding working the steps and seeing and owning our part in the situations of our lives. The reading goes on to point out that many of us assumed responsibility for everything and thought it was all our fault and many of us place the blame of others and thought ourselves perfect.
By working the steps we discover that we are all too human, have contributed to situations in a negative fashion, because of our anxiety and fears and ego's. When we make a list of people we had harmed as the eight step requires many of us need to put ourselves at the top of the list because we've harmed ourselves more than anyone else and many of us need to reevaluate our responsibility to others as well.
I know I was one of those people who thought I was all-powerful and had negatively affected everybody in my family. When I honestly made a list of people I had harmed, I had to define what harm truly meant, I was able to honestly see my part in all situations in my life, own responsibility for my part, and let go of the guilt and blame placed to me by others. This eight step truly did set me free of the blame and guilt placed by others and I'm so happy that Al-Anon gave me the opportunity to look inward and see the truth.
The quote is from all our affairs and it says:" With this step, we sort out our part, taking responsibility for our actions and releasing ourselves from the burden of falsely held responsibility."
I never realized what a truly great gift this step was until I felt the freedom of letting go of falsely held responsibilities.
Today I can understand my part in situations, stay in my own hula hoop, keep the focus on myself, and allow others the dignity to take care of themselves.
Hi Betty, great post. Sorting out my part in interactions and other situations is a learning experience. I have in the past assumed that my actions were completely responsible for disasters, which turns out to be just the inverse of not taking responsibility at all (in my perception).
Blaming myself for everything seems to tell me that somehow I control how others respond, and today I am slowly learning I am powerless over what others choose to do or not do. I am still responsible for what I choose to do, but that's all I'm responsible for. Thanks for sharing.
I know that when I was able to see, that AH blaming me for all his troubles wasn't true and that all of that blaming was just the Alcoholism, I was set free!
I was able to put my responsibilities in perspective when it came to looking at the difficulties that had been plaguing me for so long, in other areas of my life and was able to make the connection with my part in all those difficulties and where I needed to let go of my pride.
Thanks Betty ... Courage is a great power!
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
