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My daughter is a single mom with 2 children . Girls. She had been in a very abusive relationship with the father of her children. I got her out of that - and she was at a women's shelter for a while. Then housing. Things worked good for 2 years until I bought a mobile home for them as a family home.She was supposed to be paying a minimal rent, her own water and hydro. All I wanted for her was to make it easier for her and the kids. I had the right intentions. Then my daughter met another man. This one burned his brain with crystal meth, had a wife and 2 kids - as well as heavy into drinking. Very abusive and lasted 3 years. Then came a progression of people over time that all had hard drug history. They lived in my daughter's house. CFS stepped in , and the children are now living with me. I have been paying my daughter's rent . The idea is that the children have a home to come back to- and a roof over my daughter's head. This got me into trouble with CFS. ( Child and family services ). I thought that maybe I can get my daughter to work together on problem solving - all I get though is accusations. I am to blame for everything.... Then I also have to deal with CFS- and they threaten me with taking the children away from here. My Ex-husband sides with my daughter- there I also am to blame for the mess everything is in. Dealing with lots of anxiety.Too many people trying to control my life...- Any help ?
Hugs, personally for me my kids come first meaning I would put the focus on the grandkids and allow your daughter to take care of her mess. Face to face meetings are great support since it sounds like you really don't have a support system for you and your grandkids happening.
The rest will take care of itself.
At this point again for me it always becomes about the kids. They have no choice and no voice, if you are the stable factor in these children's lives then it's time to start taking care of you.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
That is what I am being told. And I do take care of the kids. For my daughter though , everybody is waiting for her to reach the breaking point - so she will actively participate in getting the kids back. I made the mistake of talking to her yesterday - and the hate and the blame that pours out of her is unbelievable. A lot of that is also through the Ex- husband. I am finding it hard to just let my daughter feel so distressed.( She said that if I stop paying her rent , she may as well just kill herself. I love the person she was- have a hard time with what she has become. I guess no contact is what I need. It's also very confusing , because there are days where she acts like herself - and other days where there is just VENOM. Was busy today getting a local Al- Anon member on my side. Hope that will help - since some days there is a lot of anxiety . Thanks for your reply - it's appreciated !
As long as I was paying the rent and bills for my son.....there was no bottom...just drama and crisis. Vicious cycle on my part. It was hard to let go and stop the this cycle but I did and he went down.....prison....and now he is getting the help he needs.
I have now had 1 1/2 years to learn to take care of me and have hope for my son that he will learn to take care of himself.
Take care and keep coming back because you are not alone.
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I have been weighing the non- pay decision for a while. I had informed my daughter that I will not pay her rent anymore after April. If that would cut the drama I would be very relieved. Do not understand why my daughter feels she needs to load all this guilt trip on me in the first place. And yes , it is very hard to let go...
guilt trip is her means of survival. it is so much easier to make you feel guilty and get you to pay her rent then the alternative - get a job, etc.
Enabling is what makes it so that they can get away with that kind of behavior. Unfortunately, watching sons and daughters spiral out of control because they have no other coping mechanisms is heart wrenching, but the only way to treat an adult, so they can feel their consequences and get motivated to do something about it.
