I found it hard to get through this part .... I cannot make anyone be a father .... So guess what I quit asking, quit talking, quit engaging ... Let Go .... My empathy is now available fully for my child. He is now two months behind in child support and missed his last visit and guess what ... We (me and my son) are happy. My son is improving, he is emotionally regulating himself, and I am emotionally available for him. What a blessing!!!!

I agree ... I have empathy for my son because he will not know what a "father" is .... He will only know what they fail to do ... I am hoping to get him a "big brother" so he will understand and model that. I think it is hard when you grew up with a really good father because I understand the generational effects now. Whatever God's plan is I hope it is good because quite frankly .... This whole scenario sucks.

HUGE difference between standards and unrealistic expectations .. LOL. I watch people a great deal more when we are talking and watch what they do vs what they say.

OMGOSH .. you need to watch City Slickers it's a way old movie with Billy Crystal and some other comedians .. one of my favorite lines is when they are all talking about life being a do over. It is an awesome scene and something that really stuck with me over the years. I need to find that movie again! My kids would love it. Everyday is a do over and that's what I most appreciate it is never to late to change behavior and I can choose to do that at any point during the day.

Anyway, I am focusing on creating new memories and I do try and remember the positive because that keeps me out of jail from time to time. Especially during weeks like this where it would be easy to snap and just say you know what keep doing what you are doing .. I will just keep taking notes.

Hugs S :)

It is funny because I just use my feelings as signals as to what is in alignment with my values and morals. Accountability is something I value so who was I kidding ... Myself ... Not something I can expect ... So the most loving thing I can do for myself is not have contact.

We have an open home as far as communication because of his choices in terms of no contact, again here it is oldest bday and not one dang word. Oh well, we will make the best of it and he will miss yet another event in this kiddo's life. Which by the way she's doing great! Considering when this whole mess started she was on the down side of grades in high school she has excelled so I can only hope to foster success in her and let her know she is not alone and regardless of whatever chaos is going on she's going to be ok.

I don't sugar coat .. I neither maximize nor minimize what is going on, some stuff I keep my mouth shut however you know what I'm not responsible for his choices and his choices are his responsibility keeping that from the kids to me is not helping them in the least. We do not speak at all and thankfully I have sole custody so I have no problems in terms of having to wait for his reply on things. WOOT WOOT! LOL! I am sooo grateful for this fact and he signed the papers thank you Jesus. The kids have equal rights to call me out on things and trust me they do .. lol. This approach for me works best considering their ages. They have safe places to go and get garbage out and still feel they can come to me and say Mom .. SERIOUSLY?! I go YES .. LOL .. ok fine that wasn't nice. For us that is what works and that is ok. I do try to focus on having a life and not focusing on what their dad is or isn't doing. That's the part that is not healthy for them .. they are both smart kids they see and they know what we go through on a daily basis. They also know I'm not perfect and I do the best I can. So we give each other grace. I wish I could get to that point with my X unfortunately until court is done I just do not see that happening only because I do need a certain bite so I can say Ummm NO .. so not going to work. What he does with that so NOT my problem .. it is his issue definitely not mine.

I think for me where I'm at is how does he continue to facilitate the story that it's me? How do you not see your children by their own choice and say oh .. that's because of their mother .. never mind the horrible visitation they went through .. never mind the crap he's said to them recently .. never mind what is his responsibility for their relationship. This woman that he's with .. WOW is all I can say. It is what it is and again .. NOT MY ISSUE .. first time she's got to bail him out of jail I guess the lights might come on.

The part that hurts kids in my honest opinion is pretending the bad stuff isn't bad and not being willing to say it's ok to be angry, sad, happy, joyful when you see your parent. OR going overboard and slamming the other parent, because that creates anxiety and guilt. It's just a sad to hear some of what they express. Considering what they have been through they seem to be pretty well adjusted so we will see.

Hugs S :)