My son in prison wants to marry an alcoholic . . . - Al-Anon Family Group

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

RE: My son in prison wants to marry an alcoholic . . .

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

I guess I am wondering if we choose not to say anything .... Is the disease in control? I struggle with this one... I get what Grateful is saying about supporting his desire to have a healthy relationship...I think I could support that desire in possibly a third way? I am rambling now

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

You know....my Ason is a grown man and I am just his mother. I have to step back and pray he will turn to me with love and support when he finally get's his head together but in the mean time, the mother is NOT the most important person on their lists ( in my case at least ). Take the good times when you can get them and leave the bad times behind because it will just continue to upset YOU.

Not only do you start with Al-anon to start taking care of you but you need to learn everything you can about the disease. You will learn a lot about his addictive mind and how it works. Just because he's sober doesn't mean he's cured, he might just be preparing for when he gets out. And sister that's his business and no matter how hard you try to change it... 99.99 percent of the time you can't change it.

All we can pray for is that our sons will come back to us someday and our relationship can start anew.

((( hugs )))

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

So true, Cathy. I love how you say this because there is no getting around the reality that 99.99 percent of the time you can't change it. An A will do what an A will do and Mom isn't in the #1 spot. No, we sure aren't.

Colibri · Member

Truth wrote:
I guess I am wondering if we choose not to say anything .... Is the disease in control? I struggle with this one... I get what Grateful is saying about supporting his desire to have a healthy relationship...I think I could support that desire in possibly a third way? I am rambling now

I have to admit, I'm not very good at not saying anything, esp. when I'm riled up! Yesterday was an example. Don't know yet whether this was a miracle, partially engineered by the fact that I have communicated on this board (and receive lots of support).

Long story but I let my son know, when I saw some sexualized and inappropriate photos of her (given that she now has a fiance) on her Facebook page yesterday. My son can't go on the Internet or see how she behaves in the outside world, so I decided he had a right to know about the photos. To make the story short, he went through various emotions, then decided to block her visits and return some photos she sent him. (The issue about flirting and showing off her body had come up before). I hope my son will have the strength to see this through. I will continue praying for him to realize his highest good, as suggested by one of the posters who responded to my message.

Colibri

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