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I have waited very patiently for the last for years for my ex who is an A to pay his child support. In Dec of last year i sent in the papers to have him garnished as he has been working for the last year at his job and i have seen no form of support. Well I guess they have started to garnish him because i got a very irrate phone call from his girlfriend saying how they will now be living in a box and so on......I have souly supported my daughter all these years. In no way do i feel bad for what is being done. The only reprecaution of my action is now he no longer wants to see our daughter at all and i have been told i can be the one to explain to her why. I don't have a problem with taking responsibily as he never has anyway. The thing that does piss me off is this: i never ever kept her from seeing him all these years when he didn't pay and wouldn't help me out. Now that he has to keep his financial obligation he no longer wants anything to do with her. I feel sorry for my daughter as she is the one who has suffered all along and will continue to do so.
Any feedback on similar situtation would be appreciated.
Boy can I ever relate to your story. Why is it they think they can have time with their kids and not pay to support them? My daughter's dad an A has quit or lost his job 4 times since the divorce. He had had the same job for 15 years when she was born. He figured out his visitation down to the minute/penny so that he would not have to pay anything for child support. In my state time with the child = money. So my mom and/or I care for her all day (brkfst, lunch, dinner and bath etc) and he picks her up at 6pm and gets "credit" for the entire day. The law here is all for the dad's. I even asked him if it was not about money would he even want joint custody? I could tell by the look on his face what the answer was. Now that legally it is a done deal...he doesn't show up or brings her back early. I always have to pay for her clothing he has bought her nothing in over a year. I pay all medical and all he does is whine about how broke he is now. I live in a fixer upper in a so/so neighborhood. He bought a posh new townhome in an elite area. What comes around goes around. I truely belive in Karma!
Back to your story....the girlfriend calls you and is mad? Because now they may have to make a financial contribution? Oh well....that is just too bad! Now he doesn't want to see his daughter because he is being forced to finally support her? What a bunch of manipulative crap. I feel sorry for your daughter also. I am sure she is smart enough to see through this attempt to manipulate you. You are so right and his behavior and that of the girlfriend are so wrong. Keep coming back...u did the right thing.
I live in Canada. Here it doesn't matter if they see the child or not they still have to pay child support regardless. I have full custody but he has access every second weekend. I never stopped a visiit no matter what stupid crap he had done, ecept when his girlfriend would call and tell me has been drinking. It has been his decision even though it was court ordered not pay all these years. He really thought that it wouldn't matter and that i would do nothing about it. Our courts here set the amount based on the man's income not time spent with the child. So if you don't pay for 4 years that is all accumulated plus interest. They have really cracked down on fathers and mothers who don't pay child support. But this story has a bitter end because as usual its the child that gets put in the middle and will suffer. Thank you for your story, i don't feel so alone in my struggle.
Make sure she knows that this is his disease, and has nothing to do with her.
Chances are, he will come around after a while anyway, as one thing I have found with A's is they can't keep to one opinion on a subject for long, have to change their minds all the time.
Well what a double bind pretty typical of an A huh making you be the warden. They cannot be responsible. Why put it on you?
I want to thank you for sharing about this my family do this in some ways to me on a whole other level. Your sharing about this situation reminds me that I do not have to accept the roel they assign me all the time. I am not sure what role your A wants for you martyr I guess and I am glad you have resigned.
Your resigning helps me to resign from my own family roles.
